Self-help books tend to be very broad (e.g., self-esteem) or very specific (e.g., depression, panic attacks). Not that this is a problem in itself, but what if your problems seem to float in between these extremes? Moreover, what if you are not entirely sure what your "issues" are, except that you do not like the way your life is going, are struggling in different areas--from relationships to work--and stumped as to where to put your finger on the problem?
"Reinventing Your Life," which is based on Jeffrey Young's Schema Therapy, is the all-purpose, or should I say, multi-purpose book for your needs. The first 5 chapters provide the background and theory to understand your problems (what the authors call your "lifetraps") and then provide surveys to help you identify which lifetraps are interfering with your life. After this background theory section, you then only have to read the relevant chapter as each chapter is devoted to a specific lifetrap. Near the beginning of each lifetrap chapter, there's a survey to help you identify the degree to which the lifetrap is interfering in your life. The chapter then goes on to give you specific strategies with which to overcome your lifetraps. In some cases, the authors do recommend therapy in addition to self-help work as the more severe the problem, the more likely a therapist would be helpful.
Now you may be wondering, "What is this lifetrap business all about?" A lifetrap can be defined as a pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving (i.e., personality pattern) that has its origins in childhood and is a result of something that was done to us by our parents/caretakers (e.g., over-protection, harsh criticism, physical or sexual abuse, emotional neglect). Lifetraps cause us to become stuck in a repetitive pattern of interacting with others and the world that, time after time, get us into trouble with relationships and/or work. In short, life-traps lead us into self-defeating behaviour that blocks us from fully realizing our potentials and living a happy and successful life.
Some of the common lifetraps the authors identify are called Unrelenting Standards (i.e., excessive self-criticism/perfectionism), Mistrust and Abuse, Abandonment, and Social Exclusion. I will briefly describe a few of them. The Mistrust & Abuse Lifetrap involves having a general distrust of others, which interferes with closeness and intimacy, but at the same time, also having a tendency to get involved in abusive relationships. The Unrelenting Standards Lifetrap involves harshly criticizing oneself when not achieving one's goals. Because this lifetrap involves perfectionistic standards (i.e., unattainable goals), this makes it easy for your inner critic to walk all over you when you "fail." You can check out the Table of Contents to see the full list of lifetraps.
After coming to a full understanding of your particular lifetrap(s), each chapter then describes specific strategies to help you overcome your self-defeating pattern. To help change unhelpful thinking patterns, rational challenging of your thoughts (a cognitive strategy) and evidence-testing of your beliefs (a behavioral strategy) are suggested, which are based on the idea that changing your thinking and behaviour will change how you feel. One specific cognitive method is to write reminder/coaching cards to yourself. For instance, you could write rational statements that prepare for when you get into a situation you might get into trouble. For instance, let's say you are prone to harsh self-criticism before a high-pressure situation (e.g., a demanding work project). In your mind, if you really attend to what's going on mentally, you may notice such harsh self-talk such as, "You suck!" and "You know you'll fail!" These statements may leave you feeling inadequate, anxious, and unmotivated. Before starting the project, though, you can pull out the coaching card to help you challenge such critical thoughts and get you in a rational head space and more emotionally energized to work. In addition to cognitive and behavioral strategies, the authors also offer experiential strategies.
As a psychotherapist, I have used this book with clients and will continue to do so. A person who is committed to changing and willing do the hard work will benefit greatly from its strategies.
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