I had been looking for the perfect book to read to help me with my ever increasing struggles with borderline personality. I had read the "self help" books and the books that tell the symptoms accurately, and in depth, but what I wanted this time was a book written by someone like me, in hopes of feeling less alone. When I was reading the reviews for this book, I found many of them that said the book was "inspirational" and everything like that, and then I read reviews that said it was "simplistic" and "reiterated points over and over", and I wasn't sure if I should even bother.
After getting the book for free, I decided there was no reason not to at least read it.
The book starts off as described by negative reviews: simplistic. Symptoms of borderline that everyone with borderline sees in themselves were laid out in plain language and not presented in any way that can't be found in the vast "self help" books. At this point, I started to become disappointed and afraid that the book was going to be a waste of time.
As the book progresses, Rachel becomes worse, she finds herself, although in recovery, lashing out in ways she never imagined and hurting everyone around her. There were times that I read the book and I found myself hating her, and worse, I hated myself.
And then, as Rachel finds herself becoming sucked in to the depths of her disorder, and getting out of control, layers and layers of broken coping mechanisms that had appeared nothing more than abusive, manipulative and selfish reveal the true nature of the borderline personality: never ending fear of being forever alone and unlovable.
It was at this point that the mere presentation of common symptoms became much more: as Rachel begins to understand herself, the symptoms are shown to the reader as more than dysfunctional coping mechanisms: they are given a sense of humanity and drive and begin to show the motives of nothing more than a terrified, humiliated child, reaching out to be unconditionally loved.
This was when I realized that the progression of the book was perfect: the book begins, as described, very simplistic, as Rachel doesn't understand herself and only sees destructive behaviors that she can't make sense of. And then eventually the complexity of the book becomes overwhelming, as Rachel sees her inner most feelings and tries to cope.
This book, to be blatant, could not be fully appreciated by someone who has not personally felt what it is like to live with borderline personality disorder. To someone on the outside: it is just a case of a psychotic woman who finds treatment and recovers. To someone with borderline: it is a chilling account of their very own life, innermost fears worked through by complete strangers.
There are so many things in this book that are revolutionary for me, that trying to sit here and convey them feels almost impossible. Although I read reviews of the book that complain that it is reiterative, and the basis of therapy is nothing more than constantly repeating the same explanation... that is the core of the borderline personality. A persistent need by that person to find love and hold on to it as tightly as possible, and no matter how many broken coping mechanisms they force themselves to work away from, they find themselves with more, different broken coping mechanisms in hopes of achieving the same task.
Dr. Padgett presents a therapy technique for Rachel that is so much more than I could have ever imagined experiencing in therapy. He presents the one thing that people with borderline truly need: unconditional love, a feeling of safety, while still experiencing limits and boundaries in the face of their destructive behaviors. Although Rachel becomes painfully aware of how dysfunctional she has become, she is never led to feel by Dr. Padgett as though she is bad or wrong, or that she doesn't deserve to be happy. Without this, I don't believe that her feelings could have been dealt with.
The explanation of the book is correct in saying that it is in no way a self help book, and will never lead anyone to recovery. What it offers, instead, is something much more realistic: measurable, achievable results for someone suffering from severe borderline, in turn giving the reader an intense sense of hope. The book shows the many many layers of borderline defenses come crashing down, and never for once is there an unrealistic overnight "Aha!" where Rachel suddenly feels better, because this is not how it works.
As someone who has suffered from borderline for what feels like every waking hour of my entire life, and struggled with therapy and medications to find no answers, this book gives me something to hold on to and helps me believe that I can one day be like Rachel. I hope that many other people with borderline, out of answers, pick up this book and find the strength to continue on.
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Top reviews from other countries
Amazon Customer
Wonderful. Inspiring. Intense.
Reviewed in Canada on January 8, 2022
Alison
Good but triggers me from the first page!
Reviewed in Germany on January 20, 2020