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The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage Kindle Edition

by Cathi Hanauer (Author, Editor) Format: Kindle Edition

4.2 169 ratings

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Virginia Woolf introduced us to the “Angel in the House”, now prepare to meet... The Bitch In the House.

This e-book includes an exclusive excerpt from The Bitch is Back: Older, Wiser, and Getting Happier, a second collection of essays from nine of the contributors featured in The Bitch in the House and from sixteen captivating new voices.

Women today have more choices than at any time in history, yet many smart, ambitious, contemporary women are finding themselves angry, dissatisfied, stressed out. Why are they dissatisfied? And what do they really want? These questions form the premise of this passionate, provocative, funny, searingly honest collection of original essays in which twenty-six women writers—ranging in age from twenty-four to sixty-five, single and childless or married with children or four times divorced—invite readers into their lives, minds, and bedrooms to talk about the choices they’ve made, what’s working, and what’s not.

With wit and humor, in prose as poetic and powerful as it is blunt and dead-on, these intriguing women offer details of their lives that they’ve never publicly revealed before, candidly sounding off on:

• The difficult decisions and compromises of living with lovers, marrying, staying single and having children

• The perpetual tug of war between love and work, family and career

• The struggle to simultaneously care for ailing parents and a young family

• The myth of co-parenting

• Dealing with helpless mates and needy toddlers

• The constrictions of traditional women’s roles as well as the cliches of feminism

• Anger at laid-back live-in lovers content to live off a hardworking woman’s checkbook

• Anger at being criticized for one’s weight

• Anger directed at their mothers, right and wrong

• And—well—more anger...

“This book was born out of anger,” begins Cathi Hanauer, but the end result is an intimate sharing of experience that will move, amuse, and enlighten. The Bitch in the House is a perfect companion for your students as they plot a course through the many voices of modern feminism. This is the sound of the collective voice of successful women today-in all their anger, grace, and glory.

From The Bitch In the House:

“I believed myself to be a feminist, and I vowed never to fall into the same trap of domestic boredom and servitude that I saw my mother as being fully entrenched in; never to settle for a life that was, as I saw it, lacking independence, authority, and respect.” —E.S. Maduro, page 5

“Here are a few things people have said about me at the office: ‘You’re unflappable.’ ‘Are you ever in a bad mood?’ Here are things people—okay, the members of my family—have said about me at home: ‘‘Mommy is always grumpy.’ ‘Why are you so tense?’ ‘You’re too mean to live in this house and I want you to go back to work for the rest of your life!’” —Kristin van Ogtrop, page 161

“I didn’t want to be a bad mother I wanted to be my mother-safe, protective, rational, calm-without giving up all my anger, because my anger fueled me.” — Elissa Schappell, page 195

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"This book was born out of anger," begins Cathi Hanauer, which seems appropriate considering the book's title: The Bitch in the House. What could have been a collective gripe about the day-to-day routine of holding a family or relationship together is instead a witty, and sometimes bitchy, read. These postfeminist mothers, lovers, wives, and independent women candidly put forward their anger in the taffy-pull world of household responsibility. Jill Bialosky puts it most succinctly, "I had wanted to get married, but I realized now that I had never wanted to be a 'wife'." There are essays written by those who willfully, and often playfully, seek a life independent from domesticated routine, and others who have aged past the concerns of being a self-fulfilled and responsible mother. Author and poet Ellen Gilchrist, who is also a mother and a grandmother, sets this lasting tone of contentment, "Family and work. Family and work. I can let them be at war, with guilt as their nuclear weapon and mutually assured destruction as their aim, or I can let them nourish each other."

Not entirely angry, it is ultimately a satisfying read. There are no intended messages on how women can improve their relationships with their husbands, partners, and children. That is the beauty of the book. They have instead revealed modern motherhood, and solitude, as it is, and may have been all along. --Karin Rosman

From Publishers Weekly

In the spirit of Virginia Woolf, who wrote of killing the "Angel in the House," these 26 women mostly professional writers focus on the inner "bitch": the frustration, anger and rage that's never far from the surface of many women's lives. They sound off on the difficult decisions of living with lovers, marrying, staying single and having children. Those who haven't chosen the single life are almost always frustrated by their mates' incompetence or their toddlers' neediness. (They reserve special scorn for overly laid-back live-in lovers content to live off a hardworking woman's checkbook.) While a handful of entries touch other sources of anger being criticized for one's weight, simultaneously caring for ailing parents and a young family, coping with a husband who's out to win his baby daughter's loyalty most focus on the love vs. work problem. For many of these women, this means a struggle over the right to be a bitch and inflict unpleasantness on others for the sake of a higher goal (one's work) versus the feminine imperative to "make nice." While unbridled rage is terribly cathartic even in print it's the quieter moments that provide more food for thought. Daphne Merkin's observation that she's "more equipped to handle the risks of loneliness than those of intimacy" and thus better off divorced, or Nancy Wartik's thought that "some compromises might actually be healthy," will ring true for many readers. Others may find it comforting to know that even smart, articulate, successful women can have deeply unsettled inner lives.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Despite the flippant title, the 26 very good writers gathered here offer thoughtful personal accounts that address important questions: Which life objectives should one pursue? Which are attainable, negotiable, or wise? When do we know we are the person we are meant to become? These are honest voices, recognizing that, whatever we might wish, a great deal of what happens to us is beyond our control. Among the contributors are such familiar names as Ellen Gilchrist, Chitra Divakaruni, Natalie Angier, and Hope Edelman, all of whom have written original pieces for this collection. Most of the writers take on some basic feminist precepts, particularly those concerning relationships between men and women, and if the picture they paint is accurate and sometimes a little bitter, it is also often wickedly funny. The writing spans three generations of women, and the younger the women the more surprised they are with how little the script has changed in the melodrama of romance. Edited by Hanauer (My Sister's Bones), a former book columnist at Glamour and Mademoiselle, this essay anthology will offer comfort to real women living real lives. Morrow plans much publicity, so public libraries should stock up. Cynthia Harrison, George Washington Univ., Washington, DC
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

I am woman--hear me roar! And whine, and praise, and ponder the state of contemporary womanhood, from anxiety attacks to the mommy track, from corporate boardrooms to the suburban bedroom. Asked to explore a significant element of her life, each of the 26 remarkable women in this impassioned anthology does so in thoughtfully introspective, honorably truthful, and candidly self-revelatory essays that feel less like contemporary feminist rhetoric and more like late-night, soul-searching conversations between best friends. As one would expect from a powerhouse lineup that includes New York Times best-selling authors and Pulitzer Prize-winning journalists, the writing is superb: smart, sassy, and honest--oh, are they honest! Call it "therapy in a pen"; there's no such thing as "TMI" (too much information) from women definitely not ashamed to let it all hang out: the anger and rage (hence the title). But self-recriminations and doubts, delights and triumphs are here, too, in this must-read for every woman, be she mother or daughter, wife or lover, sister or girlfriend. Carol Haggas
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review

"The writing is superb: smart, sassy and honest-oh, are they honest...in this must-read for every woman." (Booklist )

".This essay anthology will offer comfort to real women living real lives" (Library Journal )

"The great thing about The Bitch in the House is knowing how many of us there are out there." (O magazine )

"A rollicking, free-flowing, double-barreled think piece." (Hartford Courant )

"THE BITCH IN THE HOUSE is. smart, funny, wise, honest, and very probably.the story of your life." (Cynthia Kaplan, author of Why I'm Like This )

"What a book, for men and women both. There is no bitterness here, only the eloquence of honesty." (Elizabeth Strout, author of Amy and Isabelle )

"I devoured these essays, and took great guilty pleasure in trespassing into these private lives." (Elinor Lipman, author of The Dearly Departed and The Inn at Lake Devine )

"The writing is superb: smart, sassy and honest-oh, are they honest-in this must-read for every woman." (Booklist )

"Starkly revealing .Here is unvarnished truth and more than a smidgen of anger about marriage, motherhood, solitude, and sex." (Seattle Post-Intelligencer )

About the Author

Cathi Hanauer, the author of the novel My Sister's Bones, has written articles, essays, reviews, and fiction for Elle, Mirabella, Self, Glamour, Mademoiselle, and many other magazines. She has been the monthly books columnist for both Glamour and Mademoiselle, and was the relationship-advice columnist for Seventeen for seven years. She lives in western Massachusetts with her husband, writer Daniel Jones, and their daughter and son.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00BS8PE8Q
Publisher ‏ : ‎ William Morrow Paperbacks; Reprint edition (April 30, 2013)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ April 30, 2013
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 2210 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 319 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #493,669 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #548 in Women's Studies (Kindle Store)
- #598 in Essays (Kindle Store)
- #2,073 in Essays (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.2 169 ratings

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4.2 out of 5

169 global ratings

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Schmadrian

'Two people in the same circumstances, having different experiences.'

Reviewed in the United States on August 21, 2006

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I read this book, then followed it with its bookend, 'The Bastard on the Couch'. It was a very interesting combination.

This tone of 'Bitch' is dark. Lots of anger. Lots of complaint. Lots of railing from its authors at almost every turn. As with its precursor, 'Bastard' is written by accomplished writers (although admittedly there seem to be more editors on the distaff side), but the tone is...well, more playful. Less 'serious', to my eyes. And much more broad in its scope, ranging far from what I expected, having read 'Bitch' first. It made for an intriguing contrast.

I felt, in retrospect, that the starting points of the books were different. And one of the 'Bastard' essays illuminates this brilliantly, bringing into play (no pun intended) what it's like for an accomplished outfielder when the ball comes off the bat, when instinct takes over, and 'the right moves' are made. The author was in awe of his partner's smooth reactions to situations that he clearly had no experience in. Now, this raises the question of 'naturalness' of child-rearing, of nuturing...*that* whole discussion. But this too is dealt with quite nicely with the supposition that if men don't have exposure to 'providing care' when they're young, and they haven't watched their 'at work' fathers doing it, where are they supposed to get their insight from?

Another prickly issue raised is what women bring to the whole process of changing roles. Specifically, their own expectations, not only of their partners, but of themselves; if they're essentially deciding where the bar is placed, how egalitarian are things?

Of the two books, 'Bitch' is more confrontational, more examining in its approach. It presents a near-endless litany of complaints about how things have changed in the world of child-rearing, but in the end, doesn't really provide a whole lot of solutions, save for the admission that as working mothers, what they really need are wives. 'Bastard' is the more looping, more free-range, not really addressing the hard-core issues that its counterpart grinds into fine powder. I really enjoyed some of the 'Esquire'-y essays...but was disappointed that the same tack hadn't really been taken as the gals; to wit, trying to answer the question 'How can we make this work?' (Because really, for many women, even those who love their husbands to death, it ain't working.)

Both books 'suffer' from the fact that there are so many 'writers' involved. It limits the scopes of he collections, as this is a *very* small cross-section of society. Ditto for the fact that most couples don't have the options some of these do. (As a personal note, I have friends who are business execs and have a live-in nanny. Another couple I've known for years both work, but have never had this luxury. Their stories could not be more different, and I think how they approach raising their kids also vary greatly. Seeing more than one slant in these books would have made for a better read in both cases.)

Each book had its heart-wrenching moments as well as essays that simply did not belong. Bad editorial choices were made in each; I'll leave it up to the readers to figure out which.

I highly recommend both of these books. In fact, I would hate to think someone would read just one. Yin just doesn't work without its yang.

8 people found this helpful

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Tiffany M. Howard

For any woman who feels like the bitch in her house

Reviewed in the United States on November 3, 2006

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This compilation of women's stories varies wildly from the single to married women, from traditional to anything but. You will not have heard of most of the contributors, but the pieces are well written and honest. It was encouraging to read stories that held bits of truth about my own life, and shed light on mistakes to avoid and risks to take. I'm glad I bought it, and I will probably pick it up from time to time when I need female encouragement.

2 people found this helpful

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Taylor Beckman

Read Again and Again

Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2020

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I read this book first when I was eighteen years old - it was given to me when I someone thought I needed it and I have borrowed this book out to friends so many times over the years I had to get another copy. There are stories in here that have helped me at every phase in my life and this is one book I have picked up every year to read again. It will lead you into the lives of smart and intelligent women who truly tell it how it is. Each story is well written and captivating, and I think every woman should read this book no matter your sexual orientation, how you identify or age.

One person found this helpful

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Sharpie

Resonant collection of essays

Reviewed in the United States on June 1, 2010

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A friend chose this book for our monthly book group and I wasn't sure, from the title, how much I'd like it. After originally checking it out of the library, I ordered my own copy because I LOVED it and needed it permanently on the shelf. The essays are honest, thought-provoking, and varied enough to be relevant for women at almost any time in their lives. They capture much of the tension of conflicting ideals of femininity in the twenty-first century -- the convergence of the expectations of "the angel in the house" and the ambitious career woman.

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Rabid Reader

'When she is Good she is Very Good, and When she is Bad she is Very Bad"....at essays

Reviewed in the United States on December 22, 2016

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I wanted to like this book a lot more than I did.

The premise, having a collection of essays by women who write about their lives, their feelings, experiences, thoughts, disappointments and successes and hopes for the future. It should have been fascinating.

Some of the essays were very good. Others not so much.

The simple cause of one of the problems, which I did not expect at all to find, is that pretty much every essayist is a professional writer.

Right there, you have a very, very skewed perspective. I expected writers, but..... after reading this, realized that despite a sort of surface difference in authors, the book was slanted simply by this demographic.

Plus, a few of the essayists appear not to have spent much time on their work--a few had that off-the-cuff, ill-thought-out tenor. This may or may not be true, but to me, some of the writing was less than stellar. Others, of course, seemed very gifted at their craft. Some writers were very insightful, others....seemed not to see their forests for their trees.

In addition, most of the women seemed fairly young---not all, but enough that again, the perspective was skewed. And again, a few of the essays by the younger writers were not well articulated. (One reviewer here, I think, calls this: whiny.) Rather than whiny, I think the women simply had not the experience to frame their lives for other readers, in a less grating way.

Overall, I did find this worth reading.

[And I have bought the second book--which looks at the lives of some (not all) of the women in this book as they've moved through time and life. There are also new writers. I'm finding these essays more mature & broad in perspective and in the approaches used to write them. I will review this next book when I've finished it.]

I think if you are interested in women, feminism, social trends and /or just like essays, you might enjoy this. If you've a beef with the perceptions of women, probably not.

4 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Ottawa Woman

Great book for its honesty

Reviewed in Canada on July 12, 2019

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This book may be a bit dated now, but I think of it often now years later. I also really like the companion book The Bastard on the Couch.

AKEcosse

I love this book -- sometimes more than at other times

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 11, 2014

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I've had this book since it first came out in hardback. I've bought it for friends, I've loaned it to friends (sometimes it doesn't come back), and I keep reading it through the years.

It's as interesting to me how my opinion & perspective in regard to each of the essays changes as the essays themselves. When I first read it I hadn't been married very long (relatively), now, at 15 years, my reading of it has changed a lot. I remember finding some of the essays so annoying when I first read it. A recent re-reading found that I had sympathy for some who I did not previously, and nothing annoyed me -- I've been married too long, and raised children long enough -- to know that it takes all types to make the world go round.

I particularly enjoy reading this in conjunction with The Bastard on the Couch (sort of a response to this book, some of the essays are by husbands of the women who wrote in this book). I expect that I'll be re-reading this & loaning it out for many many years to come.

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