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The Argument Culture: Stopping America's War of Words Kindle Edition

4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 67 ratings
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In her number one bestseller, You Just Don't Understand, Deborah Tannen showed why talking to someone of the other sex can be like talking to someone from another world. Her bestseller Talking from 9 to 5 did for workplace communication what You Just Don't Understand did for personal relationships. Now Tannen is back with another groundbreaking book, this time widening her lens to examine the way we communicate in public--in the media, in politics, in our courtrooms and classrooms--once again letting us see in a new way forces that have been powerfully shaping our lives.
        
The Argument Culture is about a pervasive warlike atmosphere that makes us approach anything we need to accomplish as a fight between two opposing sides. The argument culture urges us to regard the world--and the people in it--in an adversarial frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the best way to get anything done: The best way to explore an idea is to set up a debate; the best way to cover the news is to find spokespeople who express the most extreme, polarized views and present them as "both sides"; the best way to settle disputes is litigation that pits one party against the other; the best way to begin an essay is to oppose someone; and the best way to show you're really thinking is to criticize and attack.
        Sometimes these approaches work well, but often they create more problems than they solve. Our public encounters have become more and more like having an argument with a spouse: You're not trying to understand what the other person is saying; you're just trying to win the argument. But just as spouses have to learn ways of settling differences without inflicting real damage on each other, so we, as a society, have to find constructive and creative ways of resolving disputes and differences. Public discussions require making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument--as in having a fight.
        The war on drugs, the war on cancer, the battle of the sexes, politicians' turf battles--in the argument culture, war metaphors pervade our talk and shape our thinking. Tannen shows how deeply entrenched this cultural tendency is, the forms it takes, and how it affects us every day--sometimes in useful ways, but often causing, rather than avoiding, damage. In the argument culture, the quality of information we receive is compromised, and our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention.
        Tannen explores the roots of the argument culture, the role played by gender, and how other cultures suggest alternative ways to negotiate disagreement and mediate conflicts--and make things better, in public and in private, wherever people are trying to resolve differences and get things done.
The Argument Culture is a remarkable book that will change forever the way you perceive the world. You will listen to our public voices in a whole new way.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Do Americans argue too much? Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don't Understand and That's Not What I Meant!, is an expert on miscommunication. In The Argument Culture she posits that misunderstanding is endemic in our culture because we tend to believe that the best way to a common goal is by thrashing out all our differences as loudly as possible along the way. Thus we are treated to a whole array of confrontational public forums, from congressional partisan politics to media circuses à la Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones, all based on a metaphor of war. What gets lost in all the shouting, Tannen says, is thoughtful debate and real understanding. Perhaps it's time to consider other methods of communication, she suggests. In addition to outlining what she considers the worst excesses of our argument culture, Tannen revisits some of the territory covered in You Just Don't Understand as she discusses the different ways in which young boys and girls express disagreement or aggression. Finally, she offers a survey of other, mostly non-Western ways of dealing with conflict, including the use of intermediaries and rituals. After reading The Argument Culture you might never again look at the evening news in the same way.

From Publishers Weekly

Tannen's bestseller You Just Don't Understand was a guide to gender-based differences in conversational style that set the stage for follow-up titles on talk at the office and in relationships. Here she branches out, applying linguistic theory to the whole compass of American culture and public life. In law, education, multiculturalist policy making and particularly in journalism, Tannen finds that "our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention," and that we thus most often argue emotionally when we should instead be trying to understand and evaluate rationally different points of view. The Georgetown linguistics professor is impatient with journalists who think that a two-sided debate between extremist positions makes the best story. The attack-dog posture of the press, she argues, is responsible for public cynicism about politics. Politicians in turn find that aggressive sound bites are the ones most likely to be publicized. This results in bickering partisanship that disenchants voters. She sharply criticizes our legal system for pitting one party against the other on the theory that justice will emerge out of a survival of the fittest, comparing this type of advocacy to the trials by battle used to settle disputes in the Middle Ages. Tannen's obvious passion for helping people understand one another is well served here by her clear, direct writing. Author tour.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B009JU5GCY
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Ballantine Books (October 24, 2012)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ October 24, 2012
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 3675 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 384 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 67 ratings

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Deborah Tannen
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Deborah Tannen is the author of You Just Don't Understand, which was on the New York Times bestseller list for nearly four years including eight months as #1, and has been translated into 31 languages. Her books You're Wearing THAT?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation and You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives were also New York Times bestsellers. Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work was a New York Times business best seller; I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs and Kids When You're All Adults won the Books for a Better Life Award; and The Argument Culture: Stopping America's War of Words received the Common Ground Book Award. Her most recent book is Finding My Father: His Century-Long Journey from World War I Warsaw and My Quest to Follow. She has written for and been featured in newspapers and magazines such as The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, USA Today, Time, and Newsweek. She appears frequently on TV and radio, including such shows as The Colbert Report, 20/20, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Nightline, Today, Good Morning America, and NPR's Morning Edition and All Things Considered. She is University Professor and Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University, and has been McGraw Distinguished Lecturer at Princeton University. She lives with her husband in the Washington, D.C., area.

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4.4 out of 5 stars
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on July 22, 2015
    After reading Deborah's book I am much more aware of the aggressive combative language in our culture and the media. I feel less like a victim of it all. She helps you rise above it and see a better path. I vote for Deborah Tannen for President!
    3 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on December 5, 2009
    I wish this book could made required reading for everyone who listens to the media, watches TV news, votes, raises a family, or expresses an opinion. Tannen explains a large part of why our nation is in so many messes we are unable to deal with intelligently. She absolutely nails the problem. You'll never look at things the same way again.
    3 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2019
    Written during the tumultuous Clinton years, this book describes the climate of argument that seemed to prevail in many levels of society at that time from politics to the media to education.

    The author describes this climate of argument and attempts to analyze some of the reasons for it. She doesn’t go so far as to suggest that all argument in all situations is bad. There are some areas where arguments are part of the necessary function of an aspect of society, such as the legal system. But she suggests that the level of hostility even in these areas may have gotten out of hand.

    She also tries to look for ways of cutting down on this level of hostility even where it is not possible to eliminate it altogether, such as paying attention to how other cultures manage life in these areas. Or consider having a dialogue rather than a debate or argument. Not every idea needs to be a winner-take-all proposition.

    I wonder how this book would be different if it were written today. I no longer follow politics or the news media closely enough to know if some of the practices referred to are still followed there, but from what I do see in these areas, I get the impression that things are worse than ever there. And many of the other areas she discusses seem to be getting worse rather than better as well.
    8 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on August 4, 2019
    It is very apt for our times, in terms of the constant hostile dialogue that is so pervasive.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on August 30, 2015
    Received it in just a few short days from ordering it. Such a great read!!!!
  • Reviewed in the United States on December 31, 2003
    The premise of this book matches an observation I had come up with on my own -- that intelligent debate, or just letting people be has been replaced on a cultural level with persistent and ubiquitous climate of belligerant and puerile namecalling. Thus when I heard about this book I was really excited and wanted to learn all abut Ms. Tannen's insights and thoughts on this matter.

    I was sorely disappointed. This book is not what it purports to be.

    Most of the book is a longwinded rant about how Republicans are evil and must be stopped, unlike the Democrats who are as pure as the snow.

    Among Ms. Tannen's various swipes, she lashes out at people who oppose abortion as hateful rights-stealers, people who question whether there is a scientific basis for abortion as ignorant doofuses, etc etc. It just goes on and on.

    If you are looking to read a book by a leftist who hates the right with a passion, this is the book for you.

    If you are looking for an intelligent and thoughtful analysis of the problem of antagonistic debate, this book does not provide it.
    32 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 22, 2015
    Quality book in fine condition delivered in a timely way. Thanks.
  • Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2014
    I think this book is timely for these days when we hear terribly inept and abusive arguments on every TV channel. It is time someone pointed out the underlying divisive nature of modern American argument. It does nothing for our culture, and in fact destroys it piece by piece. Tannen takes on all these issues one by one with fair evidence and a convincing view. I used this book to teach Argument Writing and my students did not enjoy some of the chapters feeling that there was a bias on her part to find fault with so much. But I think it is because the students are so young they have little exposure to real arguments where people understand basic fairness, follow certain rules (i.e. no fallacies), are reasonable, and are willing to listen to both sides of a debate. Therefore, I feel the book did a good job of exposing them to the inequities, biases, and sheer ignorance of many of the arguments we are bombarded with today. If for nothing else, this made it a good book for young people to read. Where else can they be aware of the fallacies and breaches of logic that are blasting at them from the media on a daily basis? Thumbs up Deborah!
    8 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • freesia may
    5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 12, 2015
    brilliant book. very useful

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