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The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love Paperback – December 21, 2004

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From New York Times bestselling author, feminist pioneer, and cultural icon bell hooks, a timelessly necessary treatise on how patriarchy and toxic masculinity hurts us all, with a new introduction by poet Ross Gay.

Feminist writing did not tell us about the deep inner misery of men.

Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves. In
The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate guide for men of all ages and identities to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are.

With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways.
The Will to Change “creates space for men to acknowledge their traumas and heal—not only for their sake, but for the sake of everyone in their lives” (BuzzFeed).
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“A fierce...denunciation of patriarchy and a clarion call to the uncommitted to align themselves with visionary radical feminism.”
—Publishers Weekly

“[hooks] shows men that life can be so much more rewarding and beautiful once they embrace themselves.”
–Bookriot

“Pioneering.”
–MSNBC

“A clear and nuanced account of the ways masculine conditioning shapes and damages men. It conveys the pressure men feel and place on themselves as it creates space for men to acknowledge their traumas and heal — not only for their sake, but for the sake of everyone in their lives.”
–Buzzfeed

"Each offering from bell hooks is a major event...She has so much to give us."
—Maya Angelou

About the Author

bell hooks was a cultural critic, a feminist icon, and the renowned author of more than twenty books, including the enduring classic New York Times bestseller All About Love, Rock My Soul, The Will to Change, Sisters of the Yam, and When Angels Speak of Love. A charismatic speaker, she divided her time between teaching, writing, and lecturing around the world. She passed away in 2021.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Washington Square Press (December 21, 2004)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0743456084
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0743456081
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.31 x 0.53 x 8.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,851 ratings

About the author

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bell hooks
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bell hooks is a cultural critic, feminist theorist, and writer. Celebrated as one of our nation's leading public intellectual by The Atlantic Monthly, as well as one of Utne Reader's 100 Visionaries Who Could Change Your Life, she is a charismatic speaker who divides her time among teaching, writing, and lecturing around the world. Previously a professor in the English departments at Yale University and Oberlin College, hooks is now a Distinguished Professor of English at City College and the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. She is the author of more than seventeen books, including All About Love: New Visions; Remembered Rapture: The Writer at Work; Wounds of Passion: A Writing Life; Bone Black: Memories of Girlhood; Killing Rage: Ending Racism; Art on My Mind: Visual Politics; and Breaking Bread: Insurgent Black Intellectual Life. She lives in New York City.

Photo by Alex Lozupone (Tduk) (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
2,851 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book insightful and profound. They praise the clear writing style and feminist perspective that includes men in the larger feminist conversation. The book explores love and patriarchy from an honest and loving perspective.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

64 customers mention "Insight"64 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful and profound. They say it offers a profound undertaking of how deeply patriarchal culture penetrates our lives. The book is relevant, riveting, and makes them feel understood. Readers appreciate the interesting and compelling theories presented in the book. Overall, they describe it as powerful and relatable.

"...She does this with INCREDIBLE compassion and even-handedness - in fact, I would say that hooks' ability to discuss this incredibly charged subject..." Read more

"This is a thought and emotion provoking book where the author explores love in relationship to patriarchy, dominance, masculinity, and men...." Read more

"...Still, this is a positive work for men and women and I wish it was included in more conversations about patriarchy and masculinity, as much of how..." Read more

"...It makes me an all around better person. Better to others, better to myself, better to society in general...." Read more

33 customers mention "Writing clarity"25 positive8 negative

Customers find the book's writing clear and easy to understand. They appreciate the author's straightforward approach to complex topics. The writing is engaging and relatable for readers on a personal level.

"...It's not overly jargony...." Read more

"...about masculinity and feminism and she does a great job of calling men INTO the conversation instead of calling us out and ostracizing us like many..." Read more

"...her book on LOVE and it is profound and awesome and truly is providing language and an outlook that is life changing. I highly recommend...." Read more

"...It’s a great conversation starter for your friends and your relationships...." Read more

28 customers mention "Feminist perspective"23 positive5 negative

Customers appreciate the feminist perspective of the book. They find it insightful and inclusive, bringing men into the larger feminist conversation. The book helps readers understand sexism and the plight of their male brothers. It explores love in relation to patriarchy, dominance, and men. Readers describe it as an accessible guide to feminist sociological theory and progressive books on boys and men.

"This book is a great bridge into feminist Sociological theory. It's not overly jargony...." Read more

"...a thought and emotion provoking book where the author explores love in relationship to patriarchy, dominance, masculinity, and men...." Read more

"...I do like parts of it and Bell Hooks makes some great points about masculinity and feminism and she does a great job of calling men INTO the..." Read more

"...hooks cites many canonical men's studies texts and progressive books on boys and men that many readers will find useful...." Read more

4 customers mention "Honesty"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the honesty of the book.

"...As well, it's deeply honest, and not at all compromising in its radicalness to achieve the balance it has...." Read more

"...Her writing is clear and to the point, but tempered with honesty, empathy , and compassion...." Read more

"Insightful, truthful, and life changing...." Read more

"Revealing and honest...." Read more

THE book on feminism
5 out of 5 stars
THE book on feminism
I’ve read several other books by bell books and this one is my favorite. It is the one I recommend all of the time, especially to men and mothers of boys. This should be required reading, regardless of your stance on feminism.As far as this edition - it’s meh. It’s not terrible, it’s not great. It feels pretty rushed & cheaply produced. The text is not especially crisp and it feels like a re-production of what was, at one point, a good edition. At least the pages aren’t falling out or anything like that and it’s perfectly readable, just not as good as other editions of this book that I’ve bought in the past.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2014
    This was the first book I've read by bell hooks- I was previously familiar with her work, but hadn't yet read a full piece. A bit of context about me as a reader, because I think that's a very important aspect of how this book will be received: I'm a man who considers himself a feminist ally. I do buy into the idea of feminism as important for the health and well-being of not only women, but men as well, so some of my reaction to this book may lie in the fact that it speaks directly to my interests. I have some prior familiarity with mythopoetic men's movement books like "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" and "Iron John", which hooks addresses. For me, as someone who is working to develop my sense of identity as a thoughtful, respectful, compassionate man, this book was exactly what I wanted at this point in my development.

    If you're not familiar with bell hooks, she is a proponent of intersectionality - basically, the belief that privilege isn't necessarily a monolithic characteristic that lies only with specific groups, but rather a more fluid interaction between different characteristics of individuals as they relate to one another. A white woman and a black woman may both experience gender discrimination, but it may not be in the same way or to the same degree, based on the additional factor of race. (Don't take my explanation as airtight - I'm just trying to provide context.)

    Given this philosophy, hooks is able to provide a keen inspection of the ways in which patriarchy not only benefits men, but also harms them. If you hold the unfortunately common (and mistaken) belief that feminism sees straight, white men as "the bad guy", hooks will skewer that. She speaks to some of the societal structures that place unequal burdens on men, or teach us harmful ways of viewing ourselves, without losing sight of the fact that those same structures are harmful to women, people of color, and other minority classes. She does this with INCREDIBLE compassion and even-handedness - in fact, I would say that hooks' ability to discuss this incredibly charged subject matter with such an unwavering sense of caring, fairness, and courage is the single best thing about the entire book. Unlike some who claim to advocate for men, hooks speaks to these issues in a way that unifies and encourages understanding, rather than making one group or another into the boogeyman.

    There are a few areas which I found challenging and didn't necessarily agree with 100% - there's a section where she briefly discusses Dworkin, whose beliefs are challenging for most men, but she definitely doesn't shy away from talking about radical feminists and the reality of misandry (overblown as it may be in many circles). She doesn't deny that there are some feminists who have driven men away with anger, but she also doesn't pretend that they're a majority - nor does she pretend they don't exist because that might be more convenient. I was a little concerned when the subject came up at first, but she handles it so well that I came away with a sense of greater understanding and compassion. Similarly, she sometimes references Bly (Iron John) and disagrees with aspects of his philosophy (basically, how his work views women)- I see her point where she makes it, didn't necessarily agree completely, but again: she does it in such a way that I don't feel baited or dismissed, but as if I'm just hearing the opinions of someone who is clearly very educated, opinionated, and above all, dedicated to compassion and fairness.

    Overall, this book speaks to a very charged subject with unerring maturity, insight, and compassion. If you're able to read it with an open mind and heart, you'll likely find it as moving as I did. There are places where hooks speaks to painful realities of manhood with such clarity that it hurts, but in the end she reveals a path to greater connectedness, compassion, and emotional health.
    99 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on April 19, 2024
    This book is a great bridge into feminist Sociological theory. It's not overly jargony. Bell Hooks speaks from a perspective of love rather than anger and hate, even when she has had experiences where anger is perfectly justified.
    I think the most important thing to be aware of when reading any Sociological book, is that they are talking about broader society. We work to change ourselves, with the hope of changing the world.

    Good book. Made me feel good, and made me feel able to become better. This book invites change not through guilt, but through love.
    7 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 25, 2024
    This is a thought and emotion provoking book where the author explores love in relationship to patriarchy, dominance, masculinity, and men. I didn’t agree with every conclusion the author came to, but this book really made me think about my approach to love and sex in relationship to my own masculine identity as well as how patriarchy has shaped my identity. It a call for men to change the way they relate to women and to themselves and is a book every man should read.
    7 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2024
    I wanted to like this book more than I did. I do like parts of it and Bell Hooks makes some great points about masculinity and feminism and she does a great job of calling men INTO the conversation instead of calling us out and ostracizing us like many other feminists tend to do. She makes it clear that this book and its ideas are for men just as well as women, and she does well not to throw anger at men for problems the patriarchy has caused all of us. That being said, I really wish she actually spoke to or interviewed men about the topics in this book. Many of the claims she makes feel sweeping, broad, and overly generalized. Especially as a man, many parts of this book felt like a woman trying to tell me about myself without having actually spoken to or experienced the actual internal thoughts of being a man in today's world. At times it felt like I was being lectured only to be left in the dust as Hooks declared something as truth before moving on without another thought. And sometimes it was hard to take her claims seriously (decrying Men in Black, a buddy cop movie about aliens, as patriarchal hegemony is a very difficult claim to take seriously). Still, this is a positive work for men and women and I wish it was included in more conversations about patriarchy and masculinity, as much of how feminism is perceived these days is about ostracizing men.
    33 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on November 5, 2022
    I picked up this book at the recommendation of a YouTuber I liked and already considered myself a pretty open, emotionally in-touch man who didn't put too much stock in fitting into patriarchal standards of manhood. Yet still, this book opened my eyes to more ways that patriarchal society damaged me and other boys/men, this system that's supposed to be designed to benefit us doesn't even genuinely do that. This book reminded me of things I'd thought I'd forgotten about, times in my childhood or teenage years where I dared to step outside the prescribed notion of masculinity, before being shamed, mocked, and bullied back into that box. And now as an adult, I can reconnect with those parts of myself I buried to survive "comfortably." It makes me an all around better person. Better to others, better to myself, better to society in general.

    As for women, I think you'll find this book particularly useful as a tool to understand the patriarchy's effect on boys/men and how it leads us down these dark paths that you often end up suffering for. Make no mistake, it's absolutely not your responsibility to fix us, that's on us, but with this book, you might have vital context to better understand the situation to provide guidance or support to the important men and boys in your own life.

    While I wouldn't categorize this as a "self-help" book, it definitely helped me more than most of them that I've read. Bell hooks is a saint and a legend, and I wish I was more aware of her and her work before we lost her.
    56 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Adrien
    5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, perspective-changing book
    Reviewed in Canada on December 12, 2023
    I really liked this book and it opened up my mind to how I see society's construction and how it manifests in everyday behavior. Really relevant, although I wish there was more citations for sources and all, but still really well written in both an academic and entertaining manner!
  • Patthy Silva
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente!
    Reviewed in Brazil on September 30, 2022
    Em 2004, bell hooks publicou o livro "The will to change: men, masculinity and love". como uma espécie de resposta à sua decepção ao ler o livro "About men", de Phyllis Chesler. Segundo hooks, o livro de Chesler é decepcionante, "(...)cheio de citações de numerosas fontes, artigos de jornais sobre violência masculina (...)". (p.xi)

    A autora aponta que tinha a expectativa que o livro de Chesler pudesse ajudá-la a compreender os homens para que assim pudesse não temê-los. Como a expectativa não foi atendida, decidiu escrever esta obra, em que admite que tudo o que o feminismo sabe sobre os homens está relacionado apenas à violência masculina imposta às mulheres e crianças. E, por sua vez, é comumente vociferado através de raiva e ódio aos homens: "(...)O feminismo militante deu às mulheres permissão para liberarem sua raiva e seu ódio pelos homens, mas não nos permitiu falar sobre o que significa amar um homem numa cultura patriarcal".(p.xii)

    Para hooks, as feministas manifestam ódio e raiva pois entendem que os homens dominadores ou violentos não são capazes de mudar: "(...) o feminismo me ensinou que eu poderia esquecê-lo [o pai] , dar às costas para ele. Dar às costas para o meu pai é dar às costas para parte de mim. É uma ficção do falso feminismo que nós, mulheres, podemos encontrar nosso poder num mundo sem homens, num mundo onde negamos nossa conexão com os homens"(xvi)

    bell hooks reconciliou-se com a masculinidade através, justamente, da reflexão sobre sua relação com seu pai:
    "(...) minha reconciliação com meu pai começou com meu reconhecimento que eu queria e precisava de seu amor(...)" (p.xvi)

    A autora entende que é necessário falar de homens e masculinidade. É necessário, também, reconhecer que as mulheres precisam do amor masculino:"(...)nós precisamos dos homens em nossas vidas(...)" (p.xvi)

    "Toda mulher quer ser amada por um homem. Toda mulher quer amar e ser amada pelos homens em sua vida. Seja lésbica ou heterossexual, bissexual ou celibatária, ela quer sentir o amor do pai, do avô, do tio, do irmão ou de um amigo homem. Se ela for heterossexual, ela quer o amor de um companheiro." (p.1)

    Recomendadíssimo!💜
  • Marlijn
    4.0 out of 5 stars An insightful and important read
    Reviewed in the Netherlands on July 10, 2024
    "The Will to Change" by bell hooks really got to me. Even though I’m not new to feminism, it’s tough to navigate all the different takes on men and women these days. Bell hooks dives deep into why women love and hate men and why we need a more nuanced view. This book gave me a lot of hope for the future and helped me see how to love men in a healthier way.

    Other readers have pointed out how hooks tackles a tough topic with so much insight and compassion. If you go into it with an open mind, you’ll probably find it as moving as I did. She talks about the tough parts of being a man so clearly that it hurts, but she also shows a path to better emotional health and connections.

    This book came to me when I was pretty angry at men, blaming them for everything wrong with patriarchy. It was hard to take in at first, but now I’m so grateful for it. Hooks explains how boys are often stripped of their deep feelings to become men, which is heartbreaking but real. Recognizing our part in this is the first step to changing it.

    The book really opened my eyes to how society shapes behavior. It's super relevant, though I wish there were more citations for sources. Still, it’s well-written in a way that's both academic and entertaining. If you want to understand gender dynamics better, you should definitely read this book.
  • Hari
    2.0 out of 5 stars Quality of printing very poor
    Reviewed in Sweden on May 24, 2024
    The literary content I have no issue with but the version I recieved was of a very poor quality, it almost looked counterfeit. Blurry text, the cover seemed to have strange smudges on, the cover font seemed like a low resolution, paper felt cheap, everything about it felt cheap. And not cheap either for a relatively short book.
  • Hannah S.
    5.0 out of 5 stars Worth the read
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 16, 2024
    While not new to the concept of feminism, it’s hard to truly understand it when there are so many jarring perspectives on both men and women these days. Bell Hooks really gets into the nitty gritty of why women love and hate men, and why there is much more nuance needed from our stance as women towards men. It made me feel more hopeful about the future, and I highly recommend this to anyone who wants to find out how to love men again.