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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Paperback – December 1, 2020

by Paul T. T. Mason MS (Author), Randi Kreger (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 3,090 ratings
#1 Best Seller in Coping with Bipolar Disorder
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Isn’t it time you stopped walking on eggshells? Learn how with this fully revised and updated third edition of a self-help classic—now with more than one million copies sold!

Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are ‘walking on eggshells’ to avoid the next confrontation? If the answer is ‘yes,’ someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD)—a mood disorder that causes negative self-image, emotional instability, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships.

Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped more than a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this difficult disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised third edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research on comorbidity, extensive new information about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the effectiveness of schema therapy, and coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD or NPD sufferer in your life.

This compassionate guide will enable you to:

  • Make sense out of the chaos
  • Stand up for yourself and assert your needs
  • Defuse arguments and conflicts
  • Protect yourself and others from violent behavior 

If you’re ready to bring peace and stability back into your life, this time-tested guide will show you how, one confident step at a time. 

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Previous page
  1. Print length
    280 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    New Harbinger Publications
  4. Publication date
    December 1, 2020
  5. Dimensions
    6 x 0.62 x 9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1684036895
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1684036899
  8. See all details
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Popular Highlights in this book
What are popular highlights?
Previous page
  1. It can be very confusing when your loved one acts so self-assured in one situation and then falls apart for seemingly no reason in another. This situational competence is a hallmark of BPD.
    Highlighted by 1,316 Kindle readers
  2. Memorize the three Cs and the three Gs: I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it. get off their back. get out of the way. get on with your own life.
    Highlighted by 1,189 Kindle readers
  3. There’s another key aspect to this splitting: people with BPD also split themselves, often into victim or hero—or into someone capable or someone incompetent.
    Highlighted by 1,182 Kindle readers
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From the Publisher

Take your life back when someone you care about has borderline personality disorder
This practical and compassionate guide will help you stand up for yourself and assert your needs.
"This book is a must-read for anyone whose family has been affected by BPD" --Danial S. Lobel

Editorial Reviews

Review

“In the third edition of Stop Walking on Eggshells, Paul Mason and Randi Kreger update their classic work on borderline personality disorder (BPD). This edition adds new research and information to their seminal work and raises the standard. This book is a must-read for anyone whose family has been affected by BPD.”
—Daniel S. Lobel, PhD, clinical psychologist in private practice in Katonah, NY; and author of WhenYour Daughter Has BPD and When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder

“This third edition is filled with the wisdom and tips that come from the authors’ continuing work with people with BPD and their loved ones. I’m so glad they have added narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) in this edition, because the overlap of NPD and BPD is present in so many of the high-conflict individuals I see in relationships and conflicts that end up in court today. Family members, friends, professionals, and (frankly) everyone needs to read this book to understand and deal with much of the surprising and outrageous behavior we see in close relationships all around us now.”
—Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, attorney, therapist, mediator, coauthor of Splitting, and author of 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life

“This third edition of Stop Walking on Eggshells makes a very important contribution to better understanding the complexities of working with individuals displaying behaviors consistent with both BPD and NPD. The authors recognize that multiple factors and other diagnoses may also be operational and need to be taken into account. The advice and recommendations are practical, well explained, and give hope to clinicians and families, as well as those struggling with these perplexing disorders.”
—Debra Resnick, PsyD, clinical psychologist in private practice in the Philadelphia, PA, area who has been teaching and practicing dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for approximately twenty years

“An important resource for clients who are being emotionally abused. It identifies two types of BPD—conventional and unconventional. While conventional BPDs typically exhibit overt behavior such as self-harm and suicidal ideation, unconventional BPDs don’t believe they have any problems. They project their pain onto others and refuse to take responsibility for their harmful actions. As an expert in emotional abuse, I have identified this behavior as emotionally abusive.”
—Beverly Engel, LMFT, internationally recognized expert in emotional and sexual abuse, and best-selling author of The Emotionally Abused Woman and The Emotionally Abusive Relationship

“Stop Walking on Eggshells is the quintessential book for families to understand BPD. The cases and examples are compassionate, accurate, enlightening, and starkly realistic—providing a true sense of how people with BPD think and feel, as well as how family members experience their behaviors. It includes comprehensive strategies, techniques, and responses for the most difficult situations, and provides the newest information about causes and help for BPD.”
—Margalis Fjelstad, LMFT, author of Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist and Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship, and coauthor of Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

“Very impressive! This third edition of Stop Walking on Eggshells is a compendium of practical advice. Written in a friendly style, it’s like reading a letter from someone who really cares about you. New chapters, such as the chapter on BPD in children and teenagers, further enhance the book, discussing a previously ignored issue. I strongly recommend this five-star book.”
—Christine Adamec, coauthor of When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart

“For the last twenty years, Stop Walking on Eggshells has been my ‘gold-standard’ recommendation for learning how to live with, love, and care for people who struggle with BPD. Now, Mason and Kreger have improved and updated this masterpiece to include how to cope with narcissistic personalities as well. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around people in your life, then read this new edition.”
—Jeffrey C. Wood, PsyD, psychologist, coauthor of The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, and author of The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Personality Disorders

“Stop Walking on Eggshells makes good on its promise to restore the lives of people in close relationships with someone diagnosed with BPD. It is a rich guide to understanding and coping with the reactions aroused in others by troubling BPD behaviors that negatively impact relationships. Readers will find this book very useful and beneficial.”
—Nina W. Brown, EdD, professor and Eminent Scholar at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, VA; and author of Children of the Self-Absorbed

“This book is the absolute go-to guide for my clients who are dealing with a loved one with BPD. Readable and thorough, it strikes a perfect balance of practical advice and emotional sensitivity. This book has helped so many people break through their sense of confusion and isolation by helping them to name, understand, and respond to the difficulties of this complex and misunderstood disorder.”
—Daniel E. Mattila, MDiv, LCSW

“Amazingly, Stop Walking on Eggshells not only teaches readers how to recognize the signs of BPD, it also shows how they can make life and relationship decisions based on what they want and need instead of decisions controlled by the illness.”
—Julie A. Fast, coauthor of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder

About the Author

Paul T. Mason, MS, is a seasoned health care executive currently serving as vice president of Ascension Medical Group in Wisconsin. His research on borderline personality disorder (BPD) has been published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, and his written work has appeared in national and international print media.

Randi Kreger is author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. Her website, www.StopWalkingOnEggshells.com, offers material related to BPD. She also provides a free online family support group, Moving Forward, at groups.io/g/MovingForward. She gives workshops throughout the US and Japan.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; Third edition (December 1, 2020)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 280 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1684036895
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1684036899
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.62 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 3,090 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Randi Kreger

    Randi Kreger

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    Randi Kreger is a best-selling author of books about borderline personality disorder. Her site, www.BPDCentral.com, also offers a number of specialized booklets and CDs for family members. The site is also a conduit to her online family support community "Welcome to Oz."

    See more on the author's page
  2. M.S. Paul T. Mason

    M.S. Paul T. Mason

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    Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read author blogs and more

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
3,090 global ratings
Great read!
5 Stars
Great read!
I have this book as requisite reading for myself and my three boys. I grew up in a home described in this book and boy does it hit hard. My boys find it interesting as do I with the similarities between what I’ve previously discussed with them regarding my childhood and what we read. I highly recommend this book.
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Top reviews from the United States

Jared Schulz
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for someone who is in a relationship with a partner who has BPD
Reviewed in the United States on May 7, 2024
Verified Purchase
I just got out of an intense relationship with a woman with BPD among other mental conditions. This book has helped me understand that my feelings matter and that it is better to have the understanding that what I feel matters and the way I am able to express my emotions in a way that my ex understands and can’t manipulate my thoughts in order to make me feel like I’m being unfair to her has been a godsend. I’m working toward healing myself and with the help of this book I am beginning to understand what I was doing all this time to make the relationship work was in fact making me feel worse and smaller than my ex. There are a lot of great resources for BPD and I’ve read a lot of them in the hopes of saving the relationship but this book has shown me that it is not going to happen in this situation but is going to prepare me for my next relationship
One person found this helpful
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Rita DElia
5.0 out of 5 stars Eye opening
Reviewed in the United States on March 24, 2024
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I found this book to be very helpful to me, as my husband has undiagnosed BPD along with my son. It has helped me understand my part in the relationship and I can get my life back. It has described both my men’s actions and gave me the knowledge I need to help me keep my sanity and help my loved ones es at the same time. Well with the read!
4 people found this helpful
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Theresad
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book to explain Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders
Reviewed in the United States on April 18, 2024
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Definitely written so you can easily understand the two personality disorders. Helps you see where their trauma began, and why they are like they are. It makes it easier if you understand them, to set boundaries without guilt or anger. Helps you learn to heal from the damage they caused you...and teaches you how not to let yourself be emotionally damaged by BPD and/or NPD sufferers again. Highly, highly recommend.
One person found this helpful
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Anonymous soon to be former spouse
4.0 out of 5 stars Easy to comprehend
Reviewed in the United States on November 18, 2023
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This book needs more focus about options and reasons to leave someone with BPD. A loved one’s emotional and psychological abuse should NEVER be tolerated and contributes to the abuse cycle. Too much of this book is focused on the victim tolerating BPD behavior which has enormous consequences. Leave for the sake of self preservation-you only have one life! Too much emphasis is placed on hanging in there with someone who has BPD. Leaving is always an option and in many cases the healthiest for a victim.
57 people found this helpful
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Lion Tamer
5.0 out of 5 stars Informative
Reviewed in the United States on April 10, 2024
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This book provided me with the essential information I was looking for about the BPD. The references exhibits the body of work that has lead to an understanding of this disease. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who would like to learn about this disease.
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Timothy Johnson
5.0 out of 5 stars Well worth it
Reviewed in the United States on February 28, 2024
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This is my second revision on this review due to community guidelines. So I'll cut to the point, if you are having a hard time managing your life and you love/see someone with BPD, get this book.
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Jesus Plasencia
5.0 out of 5 stars Practico , consejos e historias reales
Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2024
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La primera párate explica en detalle los diferentes escenarios posibles del BPD y el NPS , con sus diferencias. La segunda parte son consejos prácticos basados en experiencias reales .
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This Guy
5.0 out of 5 stars helpful book...
Reviewed in the United States on March 11, 2024
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This is actually a helpful book for anyone to read because most of us know someone with BPD or NPD or both. Highly recommend. I've bought this book for a number of folks in relationships with people with these features and it has been incredibly helpful for them...validating and freeing for them to read.
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

rhonda
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
Reviewed in Canada on April 18, 2024
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Perfect for adults with teens great info
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Patrick
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful
Reviewed in Germany on February 8, 2024
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Very helpful if you have somebody with BPD or BPD-like symptoms in your social environment, really practical and on point
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Fiore
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential book for families of BPD ppl
Reviewed in Italy on October 16, 2023
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Clear and to the point, this is a go-to must for anyone dealing with a person with BPD. It clarifies a lot of behaviors while giving you the means to improve your own life and stop living around the person with BPD.
Has greatly helped and it is definitely recommended.
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Bibliophile
5.0 out of 5 stars If you have been on an emotionally draining roller coaster with a loved one..
Reviewed in India on June 9, 2023
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Please READ THIS. We all have dealt with emotionally unstable people. They tend to blame you for their emotional state, and you're left in a state of perpetual confusion about yourself. This gets worse if it's a loved one - a sibling, an ex or a current girlfriend, or a parental figure - you spend a considerable amount of time tiptoeing around them, being hyper-vigilant about you making sure you don't trigger them, which could result in them blowing up. This is called Borderline personality disorder. We all have met and experienced this with at least one person in our lives. The book describes their unstable personality and what causes them. The first half of the book gives you a lot of aha moments, and the second half can just be glanced over. If you've had an emotionally abusive gf or a sibling or a parent who erodes your emotional well-being, this could be a life saver for you. BPD abuse is real and we desperately need more awareness about it, especially in India where we are taught to venerate elders or revere your gf just because of their age or gender. This very belief creates a breeding ground for BPD and Narcissism. This book will help you to save yourself - although you'll be able to look at them with compassion from a distance.
3 people found this helpful
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alberta soranzo
5.0 out of 5 stars A fundamental read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 6, 2021
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If you are related to a person with BPD, this book is must-have resource to preserve sanity and balance.
Full of insights and practical advice, its rigorous yet human approach to carving space for yourself in the wake of caring for someone whose fragility has enormous destructive potential, is a life-saver.
Excellent read.
8 people found this helpful
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