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Emily Murdoch

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If You Find Me Paperback – April 8, 2014

by Emily Murdoch (Author)

4.6 1,894 ratings

Goodreads Choice Award nominee

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NOW INCLUDING A BRAND-NEW EPILOGUE!

There are some things you can't leave behind...

In If You Find Me by Emily Murdoch, a broken-down camper hidden deep in a national forest is the only home fifteen year-old Carey can remember. The trees keep guard over her threadbare existence; the one bright spot is Carey's younger sister, Jenessa, who depends on Carey for her very survival. All they have is each other, as their mentally ill mother comes and goes with greater frequency. Until that one fateful day their mother has disappeared for good, and two strangers arrive. Suddenly, the girls are taken from the woods and thrust into a bright and perplexing new world of high school, clothes and boys.

Now, Carey must face the truth of why her mother abducted her ten years ago, while haunted by a past that won't let her go...a dark past that hides many secrets, including the reason Jenessa hasn't spoken a word in over a year. Carey knows she must keep her sister close, and her secrets even closer, or risk watching her new life come crashing down.

Reading age

12 - 18 years
Print length

288 pages
Language

English
Grade level

9 - 12
Lexile measure

HL750L
Dimensions

5.5 x 1.1 x 8.25 inches
Publication date

April 8, 2014
ISBN-10

1250033276
ISBN-13

978-1250033277
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“A story about redemption, self-forgiveness and the healing power of truth...emotional truth. Lyrical...heart-wrenching.” ―New York Times Book Review (Editor's Choice)

“Beautifully written. The deep bond between the sisters is almost physically palpable, as is their intense longing for love and acceptance; they will quickly endear themselves to readers.” ―School Library Journal (Starred Review)

“A compelling narrative that is both unflinching about life's pain and hopeful about its possibilities.” ―Kirkus Reviews (Starred Review)

“First-time author Emily Murdoch has written a painful, hopeful, surprisingly quiet book that charts the best and worst of humanity, especially family, with characters who worm their way into your heart-or repulse the reader's very nature. Her narrative is full of unique yet breathtaking similes, detailed descriptions, and unflinching dialogue all masquerading as backwoods Tennessee dialect... She validates the courage and ingenuity of young people the world over for whom survival is instinctive; protection of siblings is nonnegotiable; and love both a right and a gift bestowed upon those fortunate enough to find it.” ―Booklist (Starred Review)

“Within two pages, I was so hopelessly hooked, I felt like the story had attached itself to me. The storyline is original and suspenseful, but most of all, it was Carey's voice that had me flipping the pages. This is one of those books you devour.” ―Jennifer Brown, author of Hate List

“If You Find Me grabbed me by the heart on page one and didn't let go till the very last word. Murdoch's language is lovely, her storytelling gripping.” ―Carol Lynch Williams, author of The Chosen One

“Searing . . . hurt my heart and will probably haunt my dreams - a beautiful book about survival, identity, family, love and so much more.” ―Jenny Downham, author of Before I Die

“Carey and Nessa's story is memorable and deeply moving, and readers will find it very easy to fall in love with these girls.” ―Publishers Weekly

About the Author

Emily Murdoch is a writer, a poet and a lover of books. There's never a time she's without a book. Her debut novel, If You Find Me, released in 2013 to global high praise and critical acclaim through St. Martin's Griffin and Orion/Indigo UK.

If You Find Me, a Carnegie Medal 2014 longlister and a Waterstones Children's Book Prize 2014 finalist, has earned starred reviews from Booklist, Kirkus, and School Library Journal; is a Young Adult Library Services (YALSA) Best Fiction for Young Adults (BFYA) selection of 2014; was named a New York Times Book Review Editors’ Choice for June 2013; an Irish Times Editors’ Pick for 2013; an Editor’s Pick for UK’s The Bookseller 2013; a Booklist Youth Editors' Choice for 2013; and a Booklist Top Ten Pick of 2014.

If You Find Me has also been nominated and included in numerous state awards/high school master reading lists, amongst those in: SC, TX, KY, RI, PA, WI, OR, DE, CT, SD, NH, OK, VT, and AR.

If You Find Me was also a finalist for the Goodreads Choice Awards Best Books of 2013 in the Best Debut Author and Best Young Adult Fiction categories, and was a finalist for the German Children's Literature Prize 2015, along with a finalist for the German Buxeholder Bulle Award 2015.

If You Find Me has been translated and published in Canada, the UK, Germany, the Netherlands, Spain, Korea, Taiwan, Italy, Brazil, Hungary, Turkey, and Vietnam, as well as in Braille.

When she's not reading or writing, you'll find Emily caring for her horses, dogs and family on a ranch in rural Arizona, where the desert's tranquil beauty and rich wildlife often enter into her poetry and writing.

Emily's other passion is saving equines from slaughter. She uses her writing to raise awareness of this inhumane practice, with the goal of ending the slaughter of America's horses and burros through transport to slaughterhouses in Canada and Mexico.

She provides sanctuary to abused and slaughter-saved equines who dazzle her daily with their gentle gratitude in exchange for security, consistency, food and love.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Emily hopes her penchant for writing will do just that.

All-in-all, she's a lefty in a right-handed world, writing her way through life and smearing ink wherever she writes.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ St. Martin's Griffin; First Edition (April 8, 2014)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1250033276
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1250033277
Reading age ‏ : ‎ 12 - 18 years
Lexile measure ‏ : ‎ HL750L
Grade level ‏ : ‎ 9 - 12
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1.1 x 8.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #1,041,970 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #529 in Teen & Young Adult Fiction on Depression & Mental Health (Books)
- #852 in Teen & Young Adult Siblings Fiction
- #2,076 in Teen & Young Adult Fiction on Girls' & Women's Issues (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.6 1,894 ratings

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Emily Murdoch

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Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

Emily is a writer, a poet, and a lover of books. There's never a time she's without a book. Her novel, IF YOU FIND ME, released globally in 2013 to high praise and critical acclaim through St. Martin's Griffin and Orion/Indigo UK.

IF YOU FIND ME, a Carnegie Medal 2014 longlister and a Waterstones Children's Book Prize 2014 finalist, is also a YALSA BFYA selection of 2014, has earned starred reviews from Booklist, Kirkus, and School Library Journal, was named a New York Times Book Review Editors’ Choice for June 2013, an Irish Times Editors’ Pick for 2013, an Editor’s Pick for UK’s The Bookseller 2013, a Booklist Youth Editors' Choice for 2013, and a Booklist Top Ten Pick of 2014.

IF YOU FIND ME has also been nominated and included in numerous state awards/high school master reading lists, amongst those in:

SC

TX

KY

RI

PA

WI

OR

DE

CT

SD

NH

OK

VT

AR

IF YOU FIND ME was also a finalist for the Goodreads Choice Awards Best Books of 2013, in the Best Debut Author and Best Young Adult Fiction categories, was a finalist for the German Children's Literature Prize 2015, and was a finalist for the German Buxeholder Bulle Award 2015.

IF YOU FIND ME has been translated and published in Canada, the UK, Germany, the Netherlands, Spain, Korea, Taiwan, Italy, Brazil, Hungary, Turkey, Vietnam, and Braille.

When she's not reading or writing, you'll find Emily caring for her horses, dogs and family on a ranch in rural Arizona, where the desert's tranquil beauty and rich wildlife often enter into her poetry and writing.

Emily's other passion is saving equines from slaughter. She uses her writing to raise awareness of this inhumane practice, with the goal of ending the slaughter of America's horses and burros through transport to slaughterhouses in Canada and Mexico.

She provides sanctuary to abused and slaughter-saved equines who dazzle her daily with their gentle gratitude in exchange for security, consistency, food and love.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Emily hopes her penchant for writing will do just that.

All-in-all, she's a lefty in a right-handed world, writing her way through life and smearing ink wherever she writes.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5

1,894 global ratings

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Just read it already

Deeply moving

Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2013

Verified Purchase

For the last several years, fifteen-year-old Carey has lived in a dilapidated old camper trailer hidden deep in the woods with her younger sister, Janessa. Their bi-polar, meth addicted mother insists it is to keep them safe from their abusive father. She warns them against trying to leave, and they obey. Even when things get rocky for them when their mother insists on leaving them alone for weeks, sometimes months at a time.

One day, after their mother has been gone for over a month and the girls are running dangerously low on food, a woman and a man appear to take the girls away. The woman is from social services and the man is Carey's father -- a man she hasn't seen in years. According to the woman, their mother had written to social services saying she could no longer care for the girls and they are to go live with Carey's father and his new family.

Now the girls are thrust into a life with electricity, warm beds, real food and human interaction. It's a huge change for the girls, but it appears it's for the better. But is Carey's father really the gentle man he appears to be? According to her mother, he was abusive, but was that just another lie she told to keep Carey under control? And once her new family finds out what Carey did in those woods to keep her and Janessa alive, will they still want her?

What an emotional ride this one was and a lot of that had to do with the depth of the characters. Carey was such a wonderful protagonist. The poor girl has been through so much, yet she stays strong, doing everything in her power to protect her sister. The bond between her and Janessa was so tangible and real, it made my heart hurt. The supporting characters were just as powerful and even the most minor of characters serve an impressively large role in the overall story. I felt every one of them and understood their motives. From Carey's father to his new wife Melissa, bratty step-sister Delaney and Mrs. Haskell the social worker, each of them has a role in Carey's journey. Even if some of them aren't in the story much, they still have an emotional impact. What was even more effective was the character of Carey's mother. We never meet her (other than a few flashbacks), but even her character is palpable.

The writing in this book is flawless. The voice is spot-on, the prose drips with emotion and the plot unravels at a perfect pace. Woven into Carey's story is a mystery about what happened on a night she refers to as the "white-star night", the night Janessa stopped talking. This is the major event she'll have to deal with if she ever really wants to move on. There were several passages in the book that had an impact on me, but one simple line toward the very end made me choke up. I won't give it away, but it's a line that ties back to the title.

This book reminded me somewhat of Laura Weiss's Ordinary Beauty (one of my favorite books). Both are stories about girls who are forced to grow up way too soon at the hands of incompetent, meth-head mothers. Both books are powerful, raw, emotional, beautifully written and both are books I highly recommend.

This is a very impressive debut and Ms. Murdoch is definitely an author I'll keep my eye on. If you are a fan of gritty, emotional, character-driven stories, this is a book you must pick up. You won't be sorry.

4 people found this helpful

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MTS

Beautiful story of hope, despair, and the love and devotion of two sisters

Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2013

Verified Purchase

on't you love it when a book lives up to all of its pre-publication hype? I was near the top of the library reserve queue for If You Find Me, and I was content with that. Then I started to read some fantastic reviews and moving interviews with Murdoch, and I HAD TO HAVE this book; library reserve cancelled and replaced with an Amazon pre-order. It was everything I hoped and more.

Characters don't get much better than Carey. So many times I wished I could reach through the pages to hug her and tell her how proud I was of her. She reminded me of Jennifer Lawrence's character from Winter's Bone. (If you like this book, you should see that movie.) Carey is a young girl who was dealt a horrible hand in life: unbelievable poverty, a meth-addled mother, and an absent father. She is also forced to be the caretaker for her mute younger sister. A terrible event in Carey's life is hinted at - something that caused her sister, Nessa, to stop speaking and that Carey is determined to keep secret. The secret slowly reveals itself to the reader, even before Carey comes clean. As I progressed through the book, I hoped I was wrong, even though I knew there was no other possible answer.

I'll admit that I was worried Murdoch would spoil the magic by heaping more misery upon Carey's shoulders. That's a tactic some authors would use to unnecessarily hammer home the point that THIS GIRL HAS SUFFERED. Thankfully, we don't get that. The primary new roadblock set in Carey's path is an obnoxious stepsister. I also hoped Murdoch would not throw a big twist onto the end that would negate some of the beautiful story. We've all read enough books to have a certain level of expectation for this, right? There's a secret baby! Carey's methed-out mother is actually the President of the United States! Shorty is really a cat! (OK, that last one might have been fun.) Fortunately, this doesn't happen. There is one little surprise at the end, but it's presented in a very subtle, matter-of-fact manner.

Murdoch makes us feel everything that Carey experiences - the good, the bad, and the very, very bad: the smells of the campfire and Carey's pee-stained coat, the bitter cold of her trailer, her fear of her newly-found father, and most of all, her fierce love and devotion for her sister that drive every move that Carey makes.

It's hard to single out a favorite scene but I'll go with this: near the end of the book with Nessa and Shorty. It was full-on happy tears time for me. If you've read this, let me know if this scene choked you up, too.

If You Find Me is the best book I've read in quite some time. Just for a little perspective, a few of my recent reads are: The Book Thief, The Fault In Our Stars, and Just One Day. As much as I loved those books, If You Find Me blows them all away.

2 people found this helpful

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Amber Hendley

Fast shipping

Reviewed in Canada on September 26, 2022

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A book you read in one sitting. Happy, heartbreaking, just a really good book.

LittleDarling

Broke my heart....

Reviewed in Germany on July 20, 2016

Verified Purchase

Holy heartache of all heartaches. This basically sums up my reading experience of "If You Find Me" by Emily Murdoch.

As soon as I've read the blurb, I was hooked. 256 pages, many tears and lots of heartache later, I can say the book definitely didn't disappoint. Far from it. It even surpassed my expectations which weren't on the humble side to begin with.

"If You Find Me" has a remarkable subtlety to it. It doesn't hit you over the head with drama and emotions. Instead it's kinda sneaky about ripping your heart to shreds - piece by piece.
Many times I caught myself gasping for air. The story was full of moments that made me weep silently and barely allowed me to read on. Moments poor Carey had to live through.

Just a teenager, Carey had to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had to grow up quickly, raising her sister Janessa and ensuring both their safety while their mother left them alone for weeks at a time to appease her need for drugs, money or whatever else that heartless woman was after.
Until one day she doesn't come back and instead Carey and Janessa are taken to a new home. To them it's like a new world - so far removed from their life in the woods. It was fascinating to witness their reactions to things any of us don't give second thought to but also left me questioning certain things we consider normal.
It definitely is a shock to them both. And though Carey's worries now don't revolve around food, shelter and safety - from both human and animal predators - it's a whole different kind of fight for survival.
The "civilized" world comes with so many rules, expectations and traps it's hard for Carey to navigate through. Especially not knowing who she can trust and who will let her down.
Her strength and her perseverance really touched me. For a girl that young, she lived through things one wouldn't wish on an adult. She had to grow up early and with everything she went through she should be jaded and cynical. But she isn't. She's distrustful and closed-off but she's a fighter. She fights for her new life and faces the struggles head on, slowly but surely finding her confidence, finding her own voice. And with time realizing that she might deserve good things happening to her.
Witnessing her struggles, the doubt, the fears and the guilt that consumed her was heart-breaking. I just wanted to hug her, to somehow take away all the pain and all the bad memories.
And mostly I wanted her to let people in, to forgive herself.

Written solely from Carey's POV allowed me to feel her pain, her despair and her fear. I felt it all acutely and it wasn't comfortable in the least.
She's a special kind of girl. A heroine unlike any other. One who you'll feel for and one who will stay with you for a long time.
So will the whole story. The writing is beautifully descriptive and really put me into the middle of the story, allowing me to fully immerse myself in Carey's world.

This is easily one of my favorite reads of 2016. A story that packs an emotional punch.

6 this-broke-my-heart stars.

Stephen G

Great Book , kept my Daughter quiet for 1 night

Reviewed in France on February 17, 2016

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Great Book , kept my Daughter quiet for 1 night
Great Book , kept my Daughter quiet for 1 night
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Kat

If You Find Me

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 9, 2014

Verified Purchase

If You Find Me had been on my wishlist for months when I heard Judith at PaperRiot talking about it. She was so enthusiastic that I just had to buy a copy immediately and pushed it right to the top of my reading pile. Book Pushers rule!

For the first couple of pages, I was a little unsure whether I would actually enjoy reading this book - the main character, Carey, speaks in what could almost be called dialect, although it's more likely caused by a lack of exposure to people other than her mother and younger sister. By page ten however, I had completely forgotten about it and had the feeling this book was going to be amazing.

Carey has practically brought up her sister, Janessa, single-handed, not just emotionally but also physically - their mother is absent far more than she is present, and Carey has to make sure both she and Janessa have enough to eat, drink and keep warm in their un-powered trailer. The sisterly bond is therefore incredibly strong, and it remains that way throughout the whole book - I love books that focus on sibling relationships so strongly rather than romance.

Watching Carey and her sister experience parts of life that they had never been exposed to before, from simple things like hamburgers and television, was shocking and yet quite moving, as their reactions felt so very realistic.

The characters are one of the strongest parts of the book in my opinion - watching Carey adapt to a life that is very alien to what she knows, and coming to terms with her childhood and relationships with her family is so incredibly touching, and she handled it with so much class and determination that I was absolutely in awe of her adaptability and how she came to terms with everything.

I'm quite sad I can't tell you all the amazing things about this book because it would spoil it for anyone who has not yet read it, but it's one of those books that I would recommend to almost everybody - although it's confronting and shocking in places it has so many other positives that work so well to make this a well-rounded story with characters that were so very strong and realistic.

If You Find Me is everything I wanted it to be and much more - it was gripping, sad, hopeful and so very well written - Emily Murdoch has written one of my favourite books of 2013 and I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.

One person found this helpful

Chantowls

Love love love

Reviewed in Canada on February 21, 2022

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Love love love a must read. Real emotion portrayed that keeps you reading until the last page. Characters remain long after book is done.

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