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Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes Paperback – May 28, 2019

4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 3,169 ratings

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An introvert spends a year trying to live like an extrovert with hilarious results and advice for readers along the way.

What would happen if a shy introvert lived like a gregarious extrovert for one year? If she knowingly and willingly put herself in perilous social situations that she’d normally avoid at all costs? Writer Jessica Pan intends to find out. With the help of various extrovert mentors, Jessica sets up a series of personal challenges (talk to strangers, perform stand-up comedy, host a dinner party, travel alone, make friends on the road, and much, much worse) to explore whether living like an extrovert can teach her lessons that might improve the quality of her life. Chronicling the author’s hilarious and painful year of misadventures, this book explores what happens when one introvert fights her natural tendencies, takes the plunge, and tries (and sometimes fails) to be a little bit braver.

 
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From the Publisher

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Charming. Brave. Hilariously honest. Whether you buy this book for yourself, your favorite introvert, or the chatty friend you're hoping to shut up for a few solid hours, you can't go wrong with Jessica Pan's revealing and delightful memoir." 
(David Litt, New York Times bestselling author of Thanks, Obama)

"Sorry I’m Late, I Didn't Want to Come is a funny and poignant tale. I loved spending time with Jessica Pan in the pages of this book. I promise to never approach or contact her in real life." 
(A.J. Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Year of Living Biblically)

"This book is a rollicking, hilarious delight. Jessica Pan's sense of humor as she stumbles (and sometimes triumphs) in a world of extroverts is sure to appeal to introverts everywhere. The only downside is that her book about going out and meeting new people is sure to make you stay home until you finish it.”
(Jennifer Wright, author of Get Well Soon and Killer Fashion)

"Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come achieves what so many books claim (but then frankly fail) to do: making you laugh, while at the same time managing to inspire. Pan is a gem, and her introvert's exploration of extroversion is all at once delightful and deftly rendered."
(Sara Barron, author of The Harm in Asking)

"Our Favorite Nonfiction of the Year (So Far)" (Book Riot)

Sorry I’m Late is much more personal, colloquial and intimate than other books in this bashful little genre, but it offers many of the same messages: shy people are not alone; connection is everything; being extroverted can be fun; but sometimes, curling up alone with a good book is really perfectly fine.” (The Guardian)

"Very funny, very smart" (Liberty Hardy on the Book Riot's For Real podcast)

"I loved it! It’s such a wonderful title, and the book lives up to it."
(Nigella Lawson, bestselling author of At My Table)

About the Author

JESSICA PAN is a journalist whose work has appeared in the Guardian’s Weekend magazine, The Cut, Refinery29, and Vice, among others. She has a degree in psychology from Brown University and is the coauthor of Graduates in Wonderland, an epistolary memoir about living in Beijing and Paris. She previously worked as a TV reporter and magazine editor in Beijing and now lives in London. Find her @JessicaLPan on Twitter and @JessyPanPan on Instagram.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Andrews McMeel Publishing; Standard Edition (May 28, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1449499236
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1449499235
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 3,169 ratings

About the author

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Jessica Pan
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Jessica Pan is a features writer and has appeared in the Guardian Weekend Magazine, The Cut (New York Magazine), Lenny Letter, Jezebel, ELLE, Refinery29, The Toast, The Hairpin, the Daily Telegraph and is a regular contributor to Broadly (VICE).

She is the author of SORRY I'M LATE, I DIDN'T WANT TO COME. If you'd like to keep up with new writing and updates, please subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: It'll Be Fun, They Said by Jess Pan.

She has a BA in Psychology and Literary Arts from Brown University and a Masters in Journalism from RMIT. Jessica co-authored GRADUATES IN WONDERLAND, a memoir about living in Beijing and Paris, which was published by Penguin in the US in 2014.

She previously worked as a TV reporter and magazine editor in Beijing and now lives in London.

Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
3,169 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book humorous and honest. They find it informative and inspiring, describing the thought processes and experiences of introverts in an understandable way. The writing quality is described as relatable and down-to-earth. However, opinions differ on the story quality - some find it great and easy to read, while others find it boring or repetitive. There are also mixed reviews regarding the readability - some find it easy and enjoyable, while others consider it an exhausting or boring read.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

67 customers mention "Enjoyment"67 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book. They find it funny and honest, with a witty sense of humor. The author brings together humor, vulnerability, research, and real life experiences in a way that is relatable for introverts. Readers describe it as a wonderful read with informative facts mixed in.

"...Great question! I loved the little quips, minor self-depreciating moments and getting an inside view of several seemingly mortifying experiences..." Read more

"...The tone is very conversational and easy to read. It is at times very funny and at times a little painful as I could feel the author’s anxiety over..." Read more

"...writer and her story of “putting herself out there” is relatable and fun...." Read more

"...she tries on her extroversion shoes which contributes to the readability of the novel...." Read more

51 customers mention "Insight"51 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful and relatable. They appreciate the explanations of introverts' thought processes and experiences in a profound yet relatable way. The research aspect is interesting, with the author talking to professionals about the nature of introversion. Overall, customers find the book an enjoyable, informative read that encourages self-expansion.

"...Great question! I loved the little quips, minor self-depreciating moments and getting an inside view of several seemingly mortifying experiences..." Read more

"...It is at times very funny and at times a little painful as I could feel the author’s anxiety over situations that I would not want to face..." Read more

"Jessica Pan is a clever and intelligent writer and her story of “putting herself out there” is relatable and fun...." Read more

"...Also, it's a great way to live vicariously through another introvert when you have absolutely no intentions of diving into the stress abyss to..." Read more

36 customers mention "Writing quality"36 positive0 negative

Customers find the book relatable and inspiring. They find the author down-to-earth and approachable, with a sense of humor. The writing is well-crafted and personal, with moments of laughter and tears.

"...Well write, fun to read and filled with inspiration to take little (or big) leaps of faith into the unknown world of extroverting." Read more

"...The tone is very conversational and easy to read...." Read more

"Jessica Pan is a clever and intelligent writer and her story of “putting herself out there” is relatable and fun...." Read more

"...In her writing, the author comes across as approachable, if not a bit quirky, as she tries on her extroversion shoes which contributes to the..." Read more

4 customers mention "Vulnerability"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the author's vulnerability in the book. They say she shares her innermost thoughts and experiences.

"What a great book! The author brings together humor, vulnerability, research and real life adventures to move herself through her journey and to..." Read more

"An excellent writer—vulnerable, open, and with a great sense of humor. I identified with her and appreciated her courageous journey...." Read more

"...The author is funny, transparent, vulnerable and smart...." Read more

"I love this book! The author is very vulnerable as she shares her inner most thoughts and struggles all while making you laugh at the same time...." Read more

8 customers mention "Story quality"5 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the story quality. Some find it engaging and an easy read, recounting a year in the life of an introvert. Others feel the story drags on and the subjects are repetitive. While some find the book relatable, others felt the stories were boring and repetitive.

"...& inspiring- throughly enjoyed being part of a very personal & honest journey the author embarked on...." Read more

"This was a fun and quick read. Nothing super profound, but I found it very relatable." Read more

"The author is a great story teller. With quick stories and life's events it was an easy read ." Read more

"...It is a how to but also a great story." Read more

6 customers mention "Readability"3 positive3 negative

Customers have different views on the book's readability. Some find it easy and enjoyable, while others find it exhausting with too many words on each page.

"...Overall, I found it an easy read and enjoyable...." Read more

"...It’s a fun, sort of exhausting read...." Read more

"...With quick stories and life's events it was an easy read ." Read more

"The subjects are repetitive and the type is so small and too many words one each page. I doubt I'll finsih it." Read more

Who says introverts can’t have all the fun?!? (Reads so quickly and easily, it could be fiction.)
5 out of 5 stars
Who says introverts can’t have all the fun?!? (Reads so quickly and easily, it could be fiction.)
Introverts CAN have all the fun, or at least write about it so that the rest of us can revel in it. :)Guilty: I totally picked up this book because the title made me laugh. (And the cover was cute, too.)‟I assumed that life as a shy introvert would go on this way for me forever,” Jessica Pan writes in the introduction. ‟But then, something unusual happened: I found myself roasting in a sauna, clutching a copy of Men’s Health, wearing a full-length black tracksuit, and weeping as I yelled profanities at a spa employee.‟And something had to change.”What Pan did could best be described as diving into the deep-end, in a way even extroverts find cringe-worthy and horrifying. She spent a year forcing herself out into contact with others: It was uncomfortable (and hilarious) to read.She spoke to complete strangers. She told her story in front of an audience. She performed a stand-up comedy act (not once, not twice, but three times). She did improv. And — the thing that made my skin cold — she hosted a dinner party.Here’s the thing: She survived. She learned about herself, she came to appreciate other people, and she made huge strides in overcoming her discomfort around her fellow humans.And she did it in a way that had me laughing and reading passages to my husband. For his part, he’s just glad I finished it quickly so he can go back to watching football in peace. 🙃Highly recommended: This book reads so quickly and easily, it could be fiction.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on January 8, 2025
    My favorite line… how do you even sleep, extroverts? Great question! I loved the little quips, minor self-depreciating moments and getting an inside view of several seemingly mortifying experiences from a fellow introvert’s POV. Well write, fun to read and filled with inspiration to take little (or big) leaps of faith into the unknown world of extroverting.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2019
    SORRY I’M LATE, I DIDN’T WANT TO COME: ONE INTROVERT’S YEAR OF SAYING YES by Jessica Pan firstly has an amazing title that caught my attention! As someone who definitely has some introvert tendencies, the concept was also one that intrigued me. As the author is half Chinese, it also seemed a good pick for the memoir by a woman of color prompt for my Reading Women Month bingo board!

    SORRY I’M LATE, I DIDN’T WANT TO COME follows author Jessica Pan’s journey into the world of extroverts. The memoir begins with Jessica, a self proclaimed unhappily shy introvert, without a job and without friends, living abroad in England. Jessica recognized that she needed to make a change and she spent a year seeking out ways to do so. She takes on improv and stand-up comedy, attends networking events, books a vacation to an unknown destination and joins an app where she can swipe through potential new BFFs.

    The author does not claim that this is a necessary journey for all introverts and she doesn’t push the idea that people who are introverts can’t live perfectly happy and meaningful lives. This is definitely portrayed as one woman’s journey and what she learns along the way.

    I found this memoir very engaging. The tone is very conversational and easy to read. It is at times very funny and at times a little painful as I could feel the author’s anxiety over situations that I would not want to face (approaching complete strangers to ask a dumb question, hopping up on stage to perform a comedy routine).

    I definitely have some introvert traits, but don’t consider myself an unhappy introvert. I’ve been blessed to have fabulous friends in my life to break me out of my shell once in a while (and new book friends to help with that too) and I also recognize that I also need some down time with a good book for self care to relax.

    Is this a book that is going to make me want to strike out and become more of an extrovert? No, but it really wasn’t meant to be. It definitely was a worthwhile enjoyable read!
    42 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on December 28, 2024
    Jessica Pan is a clever and intelligent writer and her story of “putting herself out there” is relatable and fun. There are some laugh out loud moments in this breezy account of her 12-month ‘extroverting’ adventure. This is a literary voice that deserves to be heard.
    One person found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2020
    Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come is the true story of one introvert's dive into the pool of extroversion.

    One main thing that I liked about the novel is the author isn't aiming to make anyone feel bad about living a completely introverted life. She acknowledges that in her own life that she's not the happiest and strives to branch out of her comfort zone in order to improve that. That's not only brave on the scale of actually doing it but then revealing that information to readers.

    From talking to strangers, to stand-up comedy and traveling abroad solo she is able to take life by the horns by pushing back against her anxiety or, at least, shoving a sock into it's mouth. I, like many other introverts who I am sure picked up a copy, experienced heart palpitations with some of the adventures that she embarked on. Especially attempting stand-up comedy thrice.

    In her writing, the author comes across as approachable, if not a bit quirky, as she tries on her extroversion shoes which contributes to the readability of the novel. It's as if you are sitting down with a new friend sharing a story.

    Overall, I found it an easy read and enjoyable. Also, it's a great way to live vicariously through another introvert when you have absolutely no intentions of diving into the stress abyss to expand beyond your own comfort zone.
    11 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 19, 2024
    In some ways, this book was a disappointment. I was hoping to read about a "deep" introvert, but Pan is more on the borderline between extroverted and introverted, pushed way into introversion through circumstances, as many of us introverts are. No "deep" introvert, for example, has traveled the world like Pan by the time she drops us into her life. Sorry I'm Late, despite this, is still a wonderful book that should give even the most introverted of introverts some hope.

    Pan has a sort of life crisis and is tired of being lonely, in a small world. So over the course of the year, she does things she wouldn't consider under normal circumstances, such as talk to strangers and perform standup comedy. What's always fun about books like these is you see what the author values. Pan values connection with human beings and having broader, less emotionally-fraught experiences. The things she chooses reflect all this.

    The book is brisk, easy to read, and mostly fun. Some of it feels oddly set up--how is Pan able to find all these magical mentors that help her with improv, working on her "Deep Talk", etc? There's hints here or there about how magic seems to happen when you put yourself out there, but I haven't really seen this in reality. So if you're trying a similar experiment and the magic doesn't happen, it's because there probably isn't any.

    I appreciated that Pan was forthcoming about the failures of her experiment and what she learned.

    Sorry I'm Late has made me think about what I value as an introvert that would expand my own world, and it has given me hope that it's possible to live some of those values. But for "deep" introverts like me? (Well, maybe more agoraphobic...) There's no good role model yet.

    Definitely give this book a read. It's easy and fun enough to finish off in about two hours. It may give you ideas about how to expand your own world, should you be interested in that.
    5 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

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  • Maple Sweet
    5.0 out of 5 stars Enjoyable Read
    Reviewed in Canada on September 21, 2024
    A unique book which mixes the personal (the author’s journey to become more extroverted) with the world of experts (the various mentors she recruits to help guide her through the challenges she sets for herself). Ms Pan touches on the universal feelings that we all have in common: loneliness, anxiety, fear, lack of confidence as she discovers that we humans can experience all those emotions and live to tell the tale. A very good read.
  • Taylor Bauer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Loved this book
    Reviewed in Mexico on July 14, 2023
    This book resonated so deeply with me. I could relate to so many of the issues the author faced and it made me hopeful that I too can take steps to be more extroverted in an effort to make friends.
  • Melissa c.
    2.0 out of 5 stars Reçu endommagé.
    Reviewed in France on January 11, 2022
    Reçu il y a 5mn, j'ouvre le colis intact pour trouver un livre abîmé à l'intérieur.
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    Melissa c.
    2.0 out of 5 stars Reçu endommagé.
    Reviewed in France on January 11, 2022
    Reçu il y a 5mn, j'ouvre le colis intact pour trouver un livre abîmé à l'intérieur.
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good read
    Reviewed in Germany on January 29, 2021
    Unlike all the self-help books it is interesting and easy to read. Very funny at some points and very tense in other.
  • Gaia
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing
    Reviewed in the Netherlands on February 12, 2020
    I read this book when I needed it the most. I’m travelling through Australia right now and as a shy introvert myself I struggle with loneliness and meeting new people. The way Jess describes her introvertness and her way of extroverting was a relief to me. I’m not the only one. She’s very honest about her feelings and her deepest insecurities. This book is inspiring for introvert but extroverts as well.