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Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death Paperback – November 17, 2009

by Joan Halifax (Author), Ira Byock MD (Foreword)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 400 ratings
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A Buddhist teacher draws from her years of experience in caring for the dying to provide inspiring lessons on how to face death with courage and compassion
 
The Buddhist approach to death can be of great benefit to people of all backgrounds—as has been demonstrated by Joan Halifax’s decades of work with the dying and their caregivers. A Zen priest and a world-renowned pioneer in care of the dying, Halifax has helped countless people face death with courage and trained caregivers in compassioante end-of-life care.

In this book, Halifax offers lessons from dying people and caregivers, as well as guided meditations to help readers contemplate death without fear, develop a commitment to helping others, and transform suffering and resistance into courage. Her teachings affirm that we can open and contact our inner strength—and that we can help others who are suffering to do the same. Being with Dying is a source of wisdom for anyone who is facing their own death, caring for someone who is dying, or wishing to explore the transformative power of the dying process.
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  1. Print length
    224 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Shambhala
  4. Publication date
    November 17, 2009
  5. Dimensions
    6.05 x 0.6 x 9.01 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1590307186
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1590307182
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“A moving meditation on palliative care. . . . A supremely readable book that will attract readers of all faiths who will appreciate her clarity and compassion and the poignancy of these stories of ordinary people facing their final hours with quiet courage.” —Publishers Weekly

“This compelling, brave, and wise book draws from a lifetime of remarkable work with people at the end of life.” —Andrew Weil, MD

“Joan Halifax has a knack for straight talk and sublime insight—a no-holds-barred approach to life’s greatest challenge, dying well. This book beckons to those who dare, and those who care; it’s a profound and practical guidebook to the inevitable final dance.” —Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

“This book is a gift of wisdom and practical guidance for living.” —Ira Byock, MD, author of Dying Well and The Four Things That Matter Most

About the Author

Joan Halifax, PhD, is a Zen priest and anthropologist who has served on the faculty of Columbia University and the University of Miami School of Medicine. For the past thirty years she has worked with dying people and has lectured on the subject of death and dying at Harvard Divinity School, Harvard Medical School, Georgetown Medical School, and many other academic institutions. In 1990, she founded Upaya Zen Center, a Buddhist study and social action center in Santa Fe, New Mexico. In 1994, she founded the Project on Being with Dying, which has trained hundreds of healthcare professionals in the contemplative care of dying people.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Shambhala; Reprint edition (November 17, 2009)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1590307186
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1590307182
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.05 x 0.6 x 9.01 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 400 ratings

About the author

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Joan Halifax

Joan Halifax

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Roshi Joan Halifax, Ph.D., is a Buddhist teacher, Zen priest, anthropologist, and pioneer in the field of end-of-life care. She is Founder, Abbot, and Head Teacher of Upaya Institute and Zen Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico. She received her Ph.D. in medical anthropology in 1973 and has lectured on the subject of death and dying at many academic institutions and medical centers around the world. She received a National Science Foundation Fellowship in Visual Anthropology, was an Honorary Research Fellow in Medical Ethnobotany at Harvard University, and was a Distinguished Visiting Scholar at the Library of Congress.

From 1972-1975, she worked with psychiatrist Stanislav Grof at the Maryland Psychiatric Research Center with dying cancer patients using LSD as an adjunct to psychotherapy. She has continued to work with dying people and their families, and to teach health care professionals and family caregivers the psycho-social, ethical and spiritual aspects of care of the dying. She is Director of the Project on Being with Dying, and Founder of the Upaya Prison Project that develops programs on meditation for prisoners. She is also founder of the Nomads Clinic in Nepal.

She studied for a decade with Zen Teacher Seung Sahn and was a teacher in the Kwan Um Zen School. She received the Lamp Transmission from Thich Nhat Hanh, and was given Inka by Roshi Bernie Glassman.

A Founding Teacher of the Zen Peacemaker Order and founder of Prajna Mountain Buddhist Order, her work and practice for more than fifty years has focused on engaged Buddhism. Her books include: The Human Encounter with Death (with Stanislav Grof); The Fruitful Darkness, A Journey Through Buddhist Practice; Simplicity in the Complex: A Buddhist Life in America; Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Wisdom in the Presence of Death; Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet; Sophie Learns to be Brave (upcoming); In a Moment, In a Breath (upcoming).

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4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
400 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

K. Huggs
5.0 out of 5 stars great wisdom for any faith
Reviewed in the United States on August 12, 2012
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I agree with other reviewers who have praised this book so highly. There is tremendous wisdom in it and though Halifax comes out of a Buddhist perspective, I have found that there is a great deal in Buddhism that can, and often is integrated with other faiths. I have known Christian Buddhists (or Buddhist Christians)and Jewish Buddhists. I don't know if it can be integrated into Islam but I would be surprised if it can't.

Buddhist beliefs about death as simply a transition in the greater picture of life also lend themselves to application of true love and compassion in a setting where someone is dying, so it's not surprising that so many Buddhists have gotten involved in the hospice movement. Seeing death as not an end, or a loss or tragedy or catastrophe, but as something positive is an attitude that can be very beneficial to the dying and their loved ones.

This is not a book with practical advice for caregivers but if they have the chance so saturate themselves with Halifax's wisdom, they will know what to do in a practical sense. After I finished reading, with a lot of highlighting, I read it again.

I am working on an annotated bibliography for the hospice where I volunteer and so far I have read fifteen or sixteen books on care for the dying. Two others with a Buddhist perspective which I would highly recommend are Merrill Collett's AT HOME WITH DYING and Christine Longaker's FACING DEATH AND FINDING HOPE. Longaker's, in particular, is almost the equal of this book. Incidentally, I am a practicing, singing Christian but I've always had tremendous curiosity.

If you want to learn more explicitly about Buddhist beliefs about death, I recommend Sogyal Rinpoche's THE TIBETAN BOOK OF LIVING AND DYING. Sogyal has worked a lot in the West and his book was written for a Western audience. Christine Longaker worked with Sogyal and talks a lot about him.

When I am writing a review for this bibliography, one perspective I like to consider is whether I would want the author caring for me if and when I am dying in a hospice or home hospice setting. Joan Halifax is at the top of my list, equaled only by Marie de Hennezel, though there are many others who were close to the top.
30 people found this helpful
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Frances Kendall
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful and beautifully written
Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2014
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This thoughtful book is pleasure to read. I would recommend it to anyone who works in a caring capacity with the dying, as well as to those interested in thinking about their own mortality. It has a great deal of content, and I plan to read it at least once more as there is much to absorb.

Halifax elucidates three key approaches to being with those who are dying: "Not knowing", "Bearing witness" and "compassionate action".
2 people found this helpful
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W. Seifert
5.0 out of 5 stars We all experience death ...
Reviewed in the United States on August 20, 2023
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A beautiful book that I will read and re-read because our experiences are different depending on our relationships with the people who are dying.
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Judy Croome
4.0 out of 5 stars Worthwhile and comforting read
Reviewed in the United States on March 11, 2012
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BEING WITH DYING is specifically aimed at professional caregivers, but non-professional caregivers, such as family members and friends who provide caregiving for a dying person, will find excellent support to guide them along their spiritual path.

With unflinching honesty and deep compassion for the dying person, Halifax explores all the aspects of dying and death that, in being with a dying person, a caregiver may experience. She deals with the spiritual, physical, mental and emotional processes that dying activates and how this affects both the dying person and those around him.

There was some bias against family members and friends acting as caregivers to the dying. All her empathy lies with the dying person, which is as it should be, but Halifax is, at times, quite unsympathetic to the emotional pain, suffering and struggle from the family caregivers' side. Her negative view of caretaker archetypes reveals a subtle disdain for the role of family caregivers.

Unfortunately, this slightly detracts from the inherent wisdom of her advice and Buddhist philosophy. Not all of us have the temperament or self-mastery to become a detached caregiver. All non-professional caregivers do is try to give their loved ones the best that they can out of love. Yes, with hindsight, the mistakes they make may have made dying more difficult for the departing soul, but the resulting guilt also makes the loss harder to bear even when the non-professional caregiver knows the loved one's soul is finally at peace. Halifax's compassion was all for the dying and there was very little left over for the family members living for years in that strange limbo between deep love, anticipatory grief, impending loss and physical exhaustion.

Despite this, the wise reflections, the meditations and the practical advice presented in BEING WITH DYING helped me through the very trying time of my beloved Father's active dying. Coincidentally, I started reading this book the night he had his third and final stroke, and I finished it 11 days later, the day after his funeral.

I regret that I only found this book three years after my role as caregiver to my Father began, because I can see the mistakes I made, despite having help from a professional caregiver for the last 18 months. But I do gain some small comfort from the fact that, in the 6 days it took my beloved Father to actively die, I feel this book truly helped me ease his path slightly (by just sitting quietly with him and following his lead.) I also found the breathing meditations helped me calm my mind and relax my body during this intensely emotional time.

Ultimately, BEING WITH DYING was a worthwhile and comforting read for me. I highly recommend BEING WITH DYING, no matter what stage of the caregiver's role you are currently in.
56 people found this helpful
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Footloose
5.0 out of 5 stars A "must read" book when living with the dying!
Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2015
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I loved this book! I don't think I could have survived "walking" with my Mom as she slowly died had I not had this book to guide me. Very sensitively written, it provided me with the strength I needed to survive what has to date been the most awful but rewarding experience of my life.

It taught me to embrace the impending death of my Mom and appreciate every single precious minute I had with her. It taught me how to be patient and live with "not knowing" how long her disabling and lingering illness was going to last and how I was going to survive a life without her. Above all it taught me how to go on this last journey with my Mom with compassion and love no matter how unbearable the situation had become. It has taught me so much about dying and more about living. It has given me insights to prepare for my own death and not fear it's inevitability. I highly recommend this book not only to help those who care for the sick and dying but also for those who want to make the most of what time is left for them on earth.
7 people found this helpful
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Karen Purves
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 10, 2021
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I work with people who are dying and find there is so much to learn about walking alongside those who are nearing death. I found Joan Halifax’s book easy to read and listen to. I have it in the three types of media. I found the contents instructive and loving. The meditations are great for oneself and for clients. Take time to be with each word, sentence, paragraph and chapter. It is truly magnificent. Thank you.
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music lover
5.0 out of 5 stars Wriiten from experience and a kind heart
Reviewed in Canada on February 16, 2017
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A subject difficult to read about, but necessary to accept. We're all going to die one day and Joan opens the subject for the reader beautifully. Inserting her experiences with different people's dying keeps your interest and brings reality home.
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Isycosilvana
1.0 out of 5 stars Non so ancora se è arrivato a destinazione!
Reviewed in Italy on March 2, 2017
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NON sono soddisfatta:

Non so ancora se il libro è arrivato a destinazione, è un ragalo sorpresa.

Sul sito non ci sono le informazioni sul percorso dettagliato della consegna e sul corriere.
Impossibilità di contattare il corriere.
Sul sito non c'è la conferma di avvenuta consegna del libro.

La consegna era stimata per il "14 febbraio" più di ! MESE E MEZZO DALL'ACQUISTO! e non so ancora se ha raggiunto il destinatario.

SONO MOLTO INSODDISFATTA !!!!!!!!!!!
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Eliane de Souza Pastorello
5.0 out of 5 stars Leitura essencial
Reviewed in Brazil on August 20, 2016
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Este livro é essencial para os praticantes do budismo Zen e todas as pessoas que querem ter uma consciência aumentada sobre sua condição humana e pretende uma atuação compassiva no mundo.
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Singalong
5.0 out of 5 stars Ein Leuchturm
Reviewed in Germany on July 26, 2016
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Eigentlich sollte jeder Mensch dieses Buch lesen, während man noch gar nicht an Sterben und Tod denkt. Fast alle moderne buddhistische Bücher könnten von diesem Buch ersetzt werden, wenn man nur ein Buch über buddhistische Lehre lesen wollte.
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