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Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns into Loving, Lasting Romantic Relationships ( Attached Book) (Attachment Nerd) Paperback – November 21, 2023

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 218 ratings

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“A resource that every therapist, client, and person needs in their life.”
—Dr. Nicole LePera,
New York Times-bestselling author of How to Do the Work and creator of The Holistic Psychologist on Instagram

Unlock the key to deeply satisfying relationships and create the love you want with this fun and practical workbook from Eli Harwood, aka The Attachment Nerd. A licensed therapist and viral TikTok star, Harwood will help you navigate the path to an intimate, secure relationship with your sweetheart.

Grounded in attachment theory research,
Securely Attached clearly and gently guides you in delving deeper and overcoming problematic patterns that are holding you back from getting—and keeping—the close, fulfilling relationship you want. 140 insightful prompts will help you:

• IDENTIFY YOUR ATTACHMENT PATTERNS. Understand which four categories inform your close relationships and why. 
• HEAL PAST WOUNDS. Reflect and process your unique attachment story for a perspective shift.
• DEVELOP TOOLS FOR GROWTH. Quizzes, exercises, and tips provide actionable steps to learning secure patterns.
• LOVE SECURELY. Find, build, and nurture healthy ways of loving—and being loved.

With this workbook, you will come to understand your attachment story and how to move forward into the kind of connection with loved ones you want now and in the future. Transform insecure attachment patterns and unlock the key to deeply satisfying relationships with this insightful journal.
Securely Attached is your guide to creating the love you want now!
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From the Publisher

Quote from Dr. Nicole LePera
Quote from Jessica Baum, LMHC
Quote from Securely Attached

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quote from Jessica A. Stern, PhD

Editorial Reviews

Review

Praise for Securely Attached
 
Securely Attached is a resource that every therapist, client, and person needs in their life. Eli hands us her clear knowledge of the attachment research in a way that is engaging, concise, and hopeful towards healing attachment wounds and learning how to cultivate secure bonds with the people who matter most in our lives.”
—Dr. Nicole LePera, New York Times-bestselling author of How to Do the Work

“Transforming our attachment patterns is a transformative journey, and Eli Harwood's book,
Securely Attached, is a guiding light on this path of self-discovery and growth. With a blend of expertise, compassion, and personal experience, Eli empowers adults with insecure attachment styles to forge deeply satisfying and secure relationships.” 
—Jessica Baum, LMHC, author of Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love
 
“This visually engaging, humor-infused workbook guides insecurely attached readers on a journey of self-discovery. Harwood gently provides clear explanations of attachment-related concepts readers can apply to their lives through thought-provoking exercises. The result is an amazing opportunity to nurture secure attachment and enjoy emotionally intimate relationships.”
—Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, author of Insecure in Love and Insecure in Love Workbook: Step-by-Step Guidance to Help You Overcome Anxious Attachment and Feel More Secure with Yourself and Your Partner
 
“You have decided to embark on a worthy and challenging endeavor by engaging this book. You’re in good hands! Eli is going to give you the brainy stuff of how early relationships create patterns in our lives. And who is Eli? Perhaps you have watched one of her TikTok videos, or read her Instagram posts. This I can promise you: she is not just an academic or clinical expert worthy of a follow on social media. She is your ally. She has lived what she has written in this book,  and she is cheering you on.”
­—Abby Wong-Heffter, LMHC, trauma and abuse therapist specializing in attachment theory
 
“An important, user-friendly guide to understanding and transforming attachment patterns.”
—Alan Sroufe, Professor Emeritus, University of Minnesota

About the Author

ELI HARWOOD is a licensed therapist who lives in Colorado with her husband, Trevor, and their three children. Eli has been nerding out on attachment research for the past two decades and is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. She continues this mission in her clinical work, her writing, and running her mouth about attachment on social media. 

Visit her at AttachmentNerd.com or you can follow her on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook at attachmentnerd, where she has nearly a million followers.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Sasquatch Books (November 21, 2023)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 176 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1632174898
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1632174895
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.54 x 8.98 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 218 ratings

About the author

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Eli Harwood MA LPC
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ELI HARWOOD is a licensed therapist, bestselling author, and highly sought-after educator who has more than 17 years of experience helping people process relational traumas and develop secure connections with their children. She is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. In addition to her clinical work, Harwood also offers online courses and in-person retreats to help individuals better understand their attachment styles and build stronger bonds. She has also served as a faculty member at The Denver Family Institute and is the author of “Securely Attached.” Eli has three children, one husband, two cats, and an extraordinary number of plants.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
218 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book easy to read and understand. They appreciate the clear and concise writing style and helpful prompts that help them explore their own experiences. The book explains attachment theory in an accessible way while gently guiding readers towards addressing difficult emotions and behaviors. Readers describe the author as fun and wise, providing encouragement and reminders of attachment theory. Overall, they find the book engaging and eye-opening.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

27 customers mention "Readability"27 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and a valuable resource. They say it's clear, concise, and well-researched. The book is described as therapeutic and introspective, with helpful information that is summarized.

"This book is a terrific, warm, constantly-encouraging bundle of sunshine wrapped in 161 pages!..." Read more

"...She shares tons of great insights on how to treat children. I have learned so much from her site! I do not know this author and have never met her...." Read more

"...She sifts through mountains of research to distill what you need to know to make changes happen in your real life...." Read more

"Securely Attached is a great book/workbook to take a closer look at your relationship experiences...." Read more

17 customers mention "Ease of understanding"15 positive2 negative

Customers appreciate the book's clear and concise language. They find the approach accessible and the writing style friendly. The journal prompts help them go deep inside. The author provides understandable ways to explain attachment to others.

"...Eli has a gift for clear, simple, easy-to-understand language when addressing such a hugely complex topic, and I also love that she has given me..." Read more

"...It gives you pointers and directs you down the path of an "earned" secure attachment. That is my goal...." Read more

"...Eli Harwood has created a good blend of focused content and reflection questions...." Read more

"...this book, the reflections, the growth and the detailed explanations of the types of attachments were really useful and informative. Highly recommend!" Read more

10 customers mention "Pacing"10 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's pacing helpful. They appreciate the prompts that help them go deep inside themselves, providing encouragement and wonderful reminders of attachment theory. The author gently guides them toward addressing difficult emotions and behaviors. Many find the book informative and life-changing, helping them make positive strides in their attachment to each other.

"...She is a wonderfully fun and wise human and I love having her compassionate voice in my head as I interact in difficult situations with the goal of..." Read more

"...This book is a journal and has excellent prompts to help you go deep inside yourself...." Read more

"...Her book is life changing. It’s part journal, so it’s really therapeutic and introspective. I can’t say enough good things about it...." Read more

"...and together, and this book has helped us go deeper and make more positive strides in our attachment to each other (and thus to our kiddos) than we..." Read more

4 customers mention "Attachment theory"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book helpful for learning about attachment theory. It explains the science and encourages secure attachment.

"Securely Attached is a great book/workbook to take a closer look at your relationship experiences...." Read more

"...we are, but the most important thing is that it encourages you to reach “EARNED SECURE ATTACHMENT.”..." Read more

"...This workbook not only explains the science of attachement theory but also walks you through your own experiences to understand how you might become..." Read more

"Securely Attached..." Read more

3 customers mention "Entertainment value"3 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the books. They find the author entertaining and engaging, helping them focus on their work.

"...She is a wonderfully fun and wise human and I love having her compassionate voice in my head as I interact in difficult situations with the goal of..." Read more

"...This is one of the most accessible, to the point, and engaging books that get you to dig in to your work in a not threatening way...." Read more

"...I like Eli’s approach-she’s fun and has a cute sense of humor...." Read more

3 customers mention "Eye opening"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's advice insightful and encouraging. They describe it as informative and a warm, positive bundle of sunshine.

"This book is a terrific, warm, constantly-encouraging bundle of sunshine wrapped in 161 pages!..." Read more

"I follow this author on Instagram and her advice is thoughtful and eye opening...." Read more

"Incredibly Informative and Illuminating..." Read more

The most entertaining attachment book you’ll ever read…you’ll definitely laugh out loud!
5 out of 5 stars
The most entertaining attachment book you’ll ever read…you’ll definitely laugh out loud!
This book is a terrific, warm, constantly-encouraging bundle of sunshine wrapped in 161 pages! If you are new to attachment, she explains and demonstrates the concepts in a way that is incredibly easy to understand and apply to your own situation (through the carefully crafted workbook page questions). If you have been in the attachment world for a while, she provides encouragement and wonderful reminders of the most important parts and also the hardest parts…which I can’t hear too many times! Eli has a gift for clear, simple, easy-to-understand language when addressing such a hugely complex topic, and I also love that she has given me understandable ways to explain attachment to others in our world that may wonder why we are parenting our kids the way we are. You will feel like you have a wise, kind friend alongside you as you read this book through the voice of the author. Also, she is incredibly funny and witty and injects the perfect amount of lightheartedness into a serious matter. This will be a book that stays on my shelf and comes out frequently as I need reminders and encouragement in my journey. Also, my teenagers also want to read this book and I know they will love it, too! Eli has an amazing Instagram account and she posts frequent video examples of the attachment situations/attributes being used in the real world that are incredibly helpful (and also very entertaining!). She is a wonderfully fun and wise human and I love having her compassionate voice in my head as I interact in difficult situations with the goal of attachment. I can’t recommend this book more strongly!!!!
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2024
    This book is a terrific, warm, constantly-encouraging bundle of sunshine wrapped in 161 pages! If you are new to attachment, she explains and demonstrates the concepts in a way that is incredibly easy to understand and apply to your own situation (through the carefully crafted workbook page questions). If you have been in the attachment world for a while, she provides encouragement and wonderful reminders of the most important parts and also the hardest parts…which I can’t hear too many times! Eli has a gift for clear, simple, easy-to-understand language when addressing such a hugely complex topic, and I also love that she has given me understandable ways to explain attachment to others in our world that may wonder why we are parenting our kids the way we are. You will feel like you have a wise, kind friend alongside you as you read this book through the voice of the author. Also, she is incredibly funny and witty and injects the perfect amount of lightheartedness into a serious matter. This will be a book that stays on my shelf and comes out frequently as I need reminders and encouragement in my journey. Also, my teenagers also want to read this book and I know they will love it, too! Eli has an amazing Instagram account and she posts frequent video examples of the attachment situations/attributes being used in the real world that are incredibly helpful (and also very entertaining!). She is a wonderfully fun and wise human and I love having her compassionate voice in my head as I interact in difficult situations with the goal of attachment. I can’t recommend this book more strongly!!!!
    Customer image
    5.0 out of 5 stars The most entertaining attachment book you’ll ever read…you’ll definitely laugh out loud!
    Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2024
    This book is a terrific, warm, constantly-encouraging bundle of sunshine wrapped in 161 pages! If you are new to attachment, she explains and demonstrates the concepts in a way that is incredibly easy to understand and apply to your own situation (through the carefully crafted workbook page questions). If you have been in the attachment world for a while, she provides encouragement and wonderful reminders of the most important parts and also the hardest parts…which I can’t hear too many times! Eli has a gift for clear, simple, easy-to-understand language when addressing such a hugely complex topic, and I also love that she has given me understandable ways to explain attachment to others in our world that may wonder why we are parenting our kids the way we are. You will feel like you have a wise, kind friend alongside you as you read this book through the voice of the author. Also, she is incredibly funny and witty and injects the perfect amount of lightheartedness into a serious matter. This will be a book that stays on my shelf and comes out frequently as I need reminders and encouragement in my journey. Also, my teenagers also want to read this book and I know they will love it, too! Eli has an amazing Instagram account and she posts frequent video examples of the attachment situations/attributes being used in the real world that are incredibly helpful (and also very entertaining!). She is a wonderfully fun and wise human and I love having her compassionate voice in my head as I interact in difficult situations with the goal of attachment. I can’t recommend this book more strongly!!!!
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    9 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on December 11, 2023
    This book is AMAZING! It is broken down into three parts: Where your story began, Where you story ended up, and Where your story is headed. If you're blessed, you were raised in a way that fostered a secure attachment. Although experts say that is supposed to be something like 50% of people, I don't know that many people who fit into this category, so if you do, you truly have been blessed. For the rest of us who have insecure attachments, this book will help you identify where you're at and show you what may have been some of the causes of your insecure attachment. This is SUPER IMPORTANT because if you don't realize you have an insecure attachment and you don't realize what factors led to this, you very well may duplicate this in your own children. I sure did and now that they are grown, I'm fighting to change all of our insecure attachment patterns. And that is what the third part of the book helps you do. It gives you pointers and directs you down the path of an "earned" secure attachment. That is my goal. To transform my insecure attachment into a secure one and to make sure I give my children and future grandchildren these tools to stop this generational cycle of insecure attachments. Is it hard? Absolutely. I've been working on this since 2019. Is this book all you'll need? Maybe. More likely it will be one of the wonderful tools in your toolbox. I recommend a good trauma therapist who uses EMDR and IFS. Get help to work through your past. It's murky waters and you need a few life savers! This book is a journal and has excellent prompts to help you go deep inside yourself. I took mine to OfficeMax and had it spiral bound for a little over $5. Definitely worth it so that I can lay it flat when I journal in it. I also bought it in the kindle version so I can have it with me everyone I go. I am an EMDR-trained trauma therapist and have already recommended it to a few clients and am gifting it to a few friends for Christmas. Oh! And one last thing. Get connected to the author on her Facebook page: Attachment Nerd. She shares tons of great insights on how to treat children. I have learned so much from her site! I do not know this author and have never met her. I was just blessed by connecting with her on her Facebook site. I hope you will be equally blessed! --Mary E.
    20 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on December 13, 2023
    If you have found Eli Harwood, aka The Attachment Nerd, on social media first you will be so thrilled to find out her book is just as warm and inviting as her posts! (If not you should stop right now and do that). It can be so overwhelming to start this journey - and she is just the right helpful companion. She sifts through mountains of research to distill what you need to know to make changes happen in your real life. Finding out that avoidant attachment doesn’t mean you are trying to avoid connecting with people is huge. The light bulb that goes off when you realize you were simply trying to AVOID disrupting caregivers growing up - and that you might still be doing that is worth the book! Eli Harwood has created a good blend of focused content and reflection questions. I even took the 8 behaviors of secure attachment and made tiny little signs for around my house so I can get “bombarded” with good messages on options I have to build the kind of attachment I want. Grateful for her work. Grateful for this book!
    Customer image
    5.0 out of 5 stars So practical, accessible, and easy to apply
    Reviewed in the United States on December 13, 2023
    If you have found Eli Harwood, aka The Attachment Nerd, on social media first you will be so thrilled to find out her book is just as warm and inviting as her posts! (If not you should stop right now and do that). It can be so overwhelming to start this journey - and she is just the right helpful companion. She sifts through mountains of research to distill what you need to know to make changes happen in your real life. Finding out that avoidant attachment doesn’t mean you are trying to avoid connecting with people is huge. The light bulb that goes off when you realize you were simply trying to AVOID disrupting caregivers growing up - and that you might still be doing that is worth the book! Eli Harwood has created a good blend of focused content and reflection questions. I even took the 8 behaviors of secure attachment and made tiny little signs for around my house so I can get “bombarded” with good messages on options I have to build the kind of attachment I want. Grateful for her work. Grateful for this book!
    Images in this review
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    6 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2024
    Securely Attached is a great book/workbook to take a closer look at your relationship experiences.

    As someone that uses attachment theory in my professional work as a Therapy-Informed Financial Planner™ I love how approachable Eli makes the science of attachment.

    I have also been able to see some of my own attachment patterns more clearly through the self-reflection exercises she has throughout the whole book. While it is not always fun to look in the mirror, the more clearly I see myself, the more I find freedom in relationships.

    This is a must get and one that I now regularly recommend to all my clients. The foundation of financial well-being is relationship connection and most of us have room to grow in this department.

    Here is to happy, healthy relationships,
    Ed
    Customer image
    5.0 out of 5 stars Loving The Growth Personally and Professional
    Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2024
    Securely Attached is a great book/workbook to take a closer look at your relationship experiences.

    As someone that uses attachment theory in my professional work as a Therapy-Informed Financial Planner™ I love how approachable Eli makes the science of attachment.

    I have also been able to see some of my own attachment patterns more clearly through the self-reflection exercises she has throughout the whole book. While it is not always fun to look in the mirror, the more clearly I see myself, the more I find freedom in relationships.

    This is a must get and one that I now regularly recommend to all my clients. The foundation of financial well-being is relationship connection and most of us have room to grow in this department.

    Here is to happy, healthy relationships,
    Ed
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    One person found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on November 18, 2024
    Really great.
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 25, 2024
    I love this book, the reflections, the growth and the detailed explanations of the types of attachments were really useful and informative. Highly recommend!
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 29, 2024
    I follow Eli Harwood on Instagram and I’ve always enjoyed her content. When I saw that she had released a book, it was an easy purchase. Her book is life changing. It’s part journal, so it’s really therapeutic and introspective. I can’t say enough good things about it. Thank you, Eli for sharing this with the world.
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Norm
    5.0 out of 5 stars So many pages to fill in!
    Reviewed in Canada on September 19, 2024
    My therapist recommended this book, you know it's a good workbook when a licensed therapist recommends it!
  • Alexandra
    5.0 out of 5 stars Engaging and insightful
    Reviewed in Germany on December 19, 2023
    I loved it and recommend it! Just the right amount of lightheartedness and introspection
  • Sia
    3.0 out of 5 stars Decent, but...
    Reviewed in Australia on October 28, 2024
    There are some solid points in this workbook, however the author's style of writing did start to irritate me. It's clearly meant to be warm and conversational to help readers feel more at ease, but after a while it felt like it bordered into condescending/child-like, and that detracts from the importance of the content. Also the design of the book (as in the way the book is bound) makes it incredibly hard to write in for the journal prompts, because you can never get the book to lay flat.
  • IM
    5.0 out of 5 stars Just want I needed
    Reviewed in Canada on September 5, 2024
    I follow her on social, here is all the important info we need as a parent
  • Ron F.
    5.0 out of 5 stars Ordered for gifts
    Reviewed in Canada on July 10, 2024
    Great piece of literature, reading, learning and self help. Guided information, thought provoking