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Bound: A Daughter, a Domme, and an End-of-Life Story Paperback – August 13, 2019

by Elizabeth Anne Wood (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 83 ratings
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What happens when a forty-something, community college sociology professor learns that her mother―a charming, passive-aggressive, and needy woman who hasn’t had a lover in decades―has started seeing men who want to be bound, whipped, and sexually dominated? What happens when that same mother, shortly after diving into her newly discovered sexuality, develops a cancer that forces her to accept radical changes to her body, and then another that forces her, and everyone around her, to confront her mortality?


In Bound, Elizabeth Anne Wood addresses these questions as she chronicles the last eight months of her mother’s life―a period she comes to see, over the course of months, as a maternity leave in reverse: she is carrying her mother as she dies. Throughout their journey, Wood uses her notebook as a shield to keep unruly emotions at bay, often taking comfort in her role as advocate and forgetting to “be the daughter,” as one doctor reminds her to do. Meanwhile, her mother’s penchant for denial and her childlike tendency toward magical thinking lead to moments of humor even as Wood battles the red tape of hospital bureaucracies, the frustration of planning in the midst of an unpredictable illness, and the unintentional inhumanity of a health care system that too often fails to see the person behind the medical chart.
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  1. Print length
    296 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    She Writes Press
  4. Publication date
    August 13, 2019
  5. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.75 x 8.5 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1631526308
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1631526305
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

2020 National Indie Excellence Awards Finalist in Caregiving
2020 National Indie Excellence Awards Finalist in Death & Dying
2020 International Book Awards Finalist in Heath: Cancer
2020 International Book Awards Finalist in Health: Death & Dying

“Sex, death, and family are some of the hardest topics for any writer to take on. Elizabeth Wood gracefully and fearlessly explores all three in this moving memoir.”

―Lux Alptraum, author of Faking it: Lies Women Tell About Sex―And the Truths They Reveal

“In this fascinating exploration of a complex mother-daughter relationship, Elizabeth Wood comes to terms with her mother's flaws and eccentricities in order to make peace with her impending death. Wood also shines a necessary spotlight on the myriad bureaucracies within our health care system that make navigating illness challenging and often dehumanizing. A smartly written, thought-provoking read.”

―Heather Frimmer, MD, author of Bedside Manners



“Elizabeth Wood puts a human face on our health care crisis. She offers a loving testimony to her mother―who lived life exuberantly as an elder dominatrix―and an indictment of the way our health care system treats those least able to advocate for themselves.”

―Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and the forthcoming Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Loss of Your Beloved

“Bound is a deeply honest, unflinching portrait of a daughter’s relationship with her mother at the end of life. In this affecting memoir, the intimacies of an aging woman’s lifestyle of kink and bondage become fascinating metaphors for hospital life, medical care, and physical dependence during illness and dying. Bound is both a brilliant meditation on helplessness and power and a stirring testament to the strength of bonds between people who care for each other.”

―Victoria Pitts-Taylor, PhD, author of The Brain's Body: Neuroscience and Corporeal Politics

“Told with courage, honesty, humor, warmth, and insight, Bound offers readers a front-row seat to the negotiations between a daughter, her unconventional mother, and other family as they face the medical-emotional whiplash of terminal illness. Wood offers wisdom and perspective that is sure to help others as they straddle the painful space between what they want and the inevitability of loss. This book is filled with love and promises to be a wonderful companion for anyone faced with caregiving for a loved one.”

―Virginia A. Simpson, PhD, FT, award-winning author of The Space Between: A Memoir of Mother-Daughter Love at the End of Life



“Bound explores the complexities of caregiving in the context of a unique mother-daughter relationship. This personal story triggers universal emotions and offers insights that will help you understand your own caregiving journey.”

―Iris Waichler, MSW, LCSW, author of Role Reversal: How to Take Care of Yourself and Your Aging Parents

“. . . a frank and refreshing exploration of the continued importance of sex and pleasure, even when facing a life-threatening illness . . . a rewarding read.”

―Dallas Voice

About the Author

Elizabeth Anne Wood is a SUNY Chancellors Award–winning professor of sociology at Nassau Community College in Garden City, NY. She is also Senior Strategist for Woodhull Freedom Foundation, the nation’s only human rights organization working full time to protect sexual freedom as a fundamental human right. She earned her PhD at Brandeis University in 1999 and has written critically about sexuality and society ever since. Born on an Army base in Kentucky, Wood grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia and now divides her time between Queens, New York and Jamaica Plain, Boston. She is a devoted fan of Amtrak and an avowed cat person.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ She Writes Press (August 13, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 296 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1631526308
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1631526305
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.75 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 83 ratings

About the author

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Elizabeth Anne Wood

Elizabeth Anne Wood

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Elizabeth Anne Wood is a SUNY Chancellor’s Award-winning professor of sociology at Nassau Community College, where she has also served as acting dean of instruction. She received her Ph.D. in Sociology from Brandeis University in 1999 for a study of gender, interaction and power in strip clubs. She has published research on sex work and women’s sexual expression on the internet in Journal of Contemporary Ethnography and Feminism & Psychology. Her work has also been published online with Scientific American and HERS Magazine. She’s been interviewed for Authority Magazine and been cited as an expert in Mens’ Health and Elite Daily. Her radio and podcast appearances include Culture Shocks with Barry Lynn), Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino), Our Better Half with Drs. Jane Fleishman and Ashley Mader, Peepshow Podcast with PJ and Jessie Sage, Carnal Theory with Abba Carmichael, and the Boob Report with Michelle Hoglan.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
83 global ratings
Funny. Raw. Emotional. Real. A must read!
5 Stars
Funny. Raw. Emotional. Real. A must read!
This beautifully written memoir addresses subjects we should all be talking more about- sex, death, and the problematic healthcare system. Elizabeth gives us a glimpse into the beautiful and complex relationship she had with her mother. I love and appreciate the openness of her sexually adventurous mother and how she was loved and truly seen by her family. This book illustrates a raw and heart wrenching reality of guiding a loved one through their end of life journey, and the ongoing challenges a family must face. This book made me laugh, cry, and even drop my jaw a few times. I highly recommend!
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Top reviews from the United States

Mery Mares
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant & Moving!
Reviewed in the United States on April 4, 2024
Verified Purchase
A moving memoir on the things humans keep locked away: their sex lives & death. Elizabeth brilliantly takes us on a journey of the complexities of being human, dying, finding joy, and the hardships of relationships. It is a humble look at her dying mother, “the sweet old lady,” who was soooo much more beneath her cancer diagnosis and the truth of what it takes to both care, advocate, and love our aging population. Full of heart, truth, and grit, you will find yourself crying and laughing in the same breath. As a grief and loss therapist, this is a book I will be recommending to clients!
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Linda A.
5.0 out of 5 stars A compelling story about difficult subjects
Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2019
Verified Purchase
Life, illness, death, love, kink, and a smattering of sociology. Hardly the typical combination for a compelling story, but Elizabeth Wood makes it work.

Bound tells the story of a life experience many of us will encounter and most of us dread. Describing the process of helping her mother through illness and death Wood allows readers who have not yet faced this part of life understand some of the decisions, emotions, discussions, and challenges and what to expect when our turn arrives. Her descriptions and detailed explanation of the way she moved through this process are surprisingly reassuring and comforting.

The story has multiple threads that keep the reader engaged throughout. The relationship between Wood and her mother is complicated. From her childhood memories of dealing with her mother’s alcoholism to the frank and open discussions between mother and daughter as her mother discovered the world of BDSM near the end of her life, Wood demonstrates how acceptance and compassion allowed her to better understand her mother’s reactions and decisions. By doing so, she made choices on her mother’s behalf that were (hopefully) closer to those her mother would have made if she could do so.

A sociologist and educator, Wood also gracefully weaves in analysis of the opportunities and limitations available to different segments of today’s population when dealing with the healthcare system, and the complicated social interactions between patients, family members, and healthcare providers.

Additionally, she manages to open a window into the world of alternative sexual lifestyles and the way elder sexuality (kinky or not) is so frequently ignored yet can still be so important as we grow older.

There are many lessons here yet at its core Bound is a compelling and moving story of the author and her family’s journey through end-of-life transitions. I thoroughly enjoyed this book!
3 people found this helpful
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Jasmine
4.0 out of 5 stars An emotional memoir
Reviewed in the United States on July 8, 2020
Bound is a very emotional, very heavy (at times), memoir that is poignant, beautiful, and sometimes humorous. I had a lot of moments while reading this book, whether they were joyful ones or heartbreaking ones (those happened more often when I got closer to the end of the book). I also found myself reflecting on a lot of things, including how disappointed I am in the treatment of the elderly, and how disappointing my relationship with my own mother is. This memoir made me think about my maternal grandmother a lot, as well. She was a fighter, a lot like the author's mother. My grandmother went through hell and always seemed to bounce back. It wasn't until she ended up in a nursing home that the fight started to leave her. She's been gone 13 years now, and reading this memoir brought back so many memories.

This memoir is mostly focused on Dr. Wood's mother's battle with cancer, but her foray into the BDSM scene as a Domme is brought up on many an occasion, usually when talking about her new lust for life after beating cancer the first time around, or when comparing her giving up control of her body (due to the cancer and other infections) to the control she lords over the men who come to her for pleasure (and humiliation). The little tidbits about her exploration of bondage, dominance, sadism, and the like are fascinating and, strangely enough, heartwarming. As someone who finds the BDSM scene to be intriguing (and having dipped a toe into that pond), I really enjoyed reading about Judy's time as a Domme. And Kenny was honestly my favorite person in the whole book. I loved that he cared so much for Judy and wanted to devote himself to her as more than just a sub.

There isn't anything really graphic or erotic about the Domme side of things, although more conservative readers might be bothered by some of the things mention (like sex toys or a photograph involving a birthday candle). It's all relatively tame and technical.

Bound also provides an eye-opening look into the healthcare system in America, and how frustrating and difficult insurance companies can be, no matter how "good" they may seem. I was honestly disgusted when an appeal had to be made to get proper care because the insurance company only approved the cheaper option. Even though this happened 8 years ago, not much has changed. The healthcare system definitely needs to be changed, especially when it comes to elder care.

Overall, I found Bound to be a really lovely memoir that celebrated a woman in her prime, a woman who discovered something new, exciting, and adventurous, only to have it snatched away from her months later due to that evil C word. It's definitely not an easy read.

I'm giving Bound 4 stars.
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Hugo Dlrs/Kimberly K.
5.0 out of 5 stars Captivating!
Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2019
Verified Purchase
Elizabeth Ann Wood’s memoir had me captivated from the start. It’s a poignant story of a daughter and the special love she has for her mother. Despite some tumultuous early years, Sociologist and Professor Wood and her mother have a unique bond. As a daughter, I read what Wood went through while taking care of her mother, and though she writes about it in a matter-of-fact way, from my point of view, she is a true hero. She takes a non-paid sabbatical to care for her mother who is dying. This real life story had an interesting twist and that is that Wood’s mother became a Domme in her later years. Since I know very little about the BDSM world, it was quite interesting to read about crosses and cages; I appreciated how wonderfully open this mother and daughter were in talking about sexuality. I don’t think this is common and yet it’s so important. Though interesting, the BDSM to me read as secondary. What had me turning pages late into the night were the raw and honest passages of how Wood felt about taking care of her mother. This memoir can also serve as a manual for those who are going through something similar; one can share and learn from Wood’s frustration of dealing with doctors and hospitals. Although it’s a story about dying, there are wonderful passages that are lighter with humor. I highly recommend this memoir that demonstrates a powerful relationship, despite tough times, between a mother and a daughter.
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