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Let's Talk About Hard Things: The Life-Changing Conversations That Connect Us Paperback – May 3, 2022

by Anna Sale (Author)
4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 504 ratings
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From the host of the popular WNYC podcast Death, Sex, & Money, Let’s Talk About Hard Things is “like a good conversation with a friend” (The New Yorker) where “no topic is off-limits when it comes to creating meaningful connection” (Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone).

Anna Sale wants you to have that conversation. You know the one. The one that you’ve been avoiding or putting off, maybe for years. The one that you’ve thought “they’ll never understand” or “do I really want to bring that up?” or “it’s not going to go well, so why even try?”

Sale is the founder and host of WNYC’s popular, award-winning podcast Death, Sex, & Money or as the New York Times dubbed her “a therapist at happy hour.” She and her guests have direct and thought-provoking conversations, discussing topics that most of us are too squeamish, polite, or nervous to bring up. But Sale argues that we all experience these hard things, and by not talking to one another, we cut ourselves off, leading us to feel isolated and disconnected from people who can help us most.

In Let’s Talk About Hard Things, Sale uses the best of what she’s learned from her podcast to reveal that when we dare to talk about hard things, we learn about ourselves, others, and the world that we make together. Diving into five of the most fraught conversation topics—death, sex, money, family, and identity—she moves between memoir, fascinating snapshots of a variety of Americans opening up about their lives, and expert opinions to show why having tough conversations is important and how to do them in a thoughtful and generous way. She uncovers that listening may be the most important part of a tough conversation, that the end goal should be understanding without the pressure of reconciliation, and that there are some things that words can’t fix (and why that’s actually okay).
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    304 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    May 3, 2022
  4. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.8 x 8.38 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    1501190261
  6. ISBN-13
    978-1501190261
  7. See all details
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Popular Highlights in this book
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  1. The best way to talk about death is to make room for that unsolvable sadness to just be there, to offer comfort and dignity alongside it, and to say what you need to say while there’s still time.
    Highlighted by 401 Kindle readers
  2. “The less interpersonal trust people have, the more frequently they experience bouts of anxiety, depression, and loneliness.”
    Highlighted by 314 Kindle readers
  3. In other words, the chief skill in any hard conversation is how you listen.
    Highlighted by 278 Kindle readers
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"In Let's Talk About Hard Things, Anna Sale brings us fascinating conversations that feel both intensely personal and widely universal, then shows us how to start having them in our own lives. You will laugh, cry, nod in recognition, and by the end, feel like no topic is off limits when it comes to creating meaningful connection. I want to give a copy of this book to every family member, friend, and therapy patient I see.”
—Lori Gottlieb, host of Dear Therapists podcast and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone

"With tremendous empathy and thoughtfulness, Anna Sale models how to have the hard conversations—about love and grief and fear and so much else. Sale is a wise guide through the most difficult human terrain, and with her help, I'm now having conversations that before this book felt impossible."
—John Green, New York Times bestselling author of Turtles All the Way Down and The Fault in Our Stars

"Anna Sale has a real gift for cutting through the white noise that so often overwhelms our most urgent, high-stakes conversations. She's teaching us how to listen to one another again. No one can save us from life's plot twists—and no one should—but page by page, sentence by sentence, Sale is committed to seeing us through."
—Saeed Jones, author of How We Fight For Our Lives

“Let’s Talk About Hard Things is a gift. Filled with personal stories, complex emotions, and insight into the thorniest of interpersonal relationships, it is a balm, a challenge, and a celebration of our desire to be known in this world."
—Katie Couric, journalist and co-founder of Katie Couric Media

"The number one driver of human happiness, across time and culture, is meaningful connection to others. The road to connection is conversations. Anna Sale is giving us the encouragement, the example, and the tools to do the one thing that can bring us closer: talk about hard things.”
—Kelly Corrigan, host of Kelly Corrigan Wonders and bestselling author of Tell Me More

"It’s not surprising to learn that Anna Sale applies the same compassion and thoughtfulness she displays as host to her writing, but it is thrilling all the same to quickly find Let’s Talk About Hard Things as inviting and comforting as any episode of Death, Sex, & Money. It’s not easy to open up about what makes us most uncomfortable, but the stories shared throughout the book and Sale’s excellent writing around them shows how vital it is that we make the effort. And while I still occasionally squirm over the reality that there is only so much that I can control in life, I am grateful for the tools Let’s Talk About Hard Things provides in helping me deal with such an unfortunate circumstance. I was already a fan of Sale's as a podcaster and person, but happy to now be a fanboy of Anna Sale the writer, too.
—Michael Arceneaux, New York Times best selling author of I Can’t Date Jesus and I Don’t Want To Die Poor

“Kind honesty—not the type where someone is shaming you, but loving communication of who you are—is one of the hardest things to talk about. As the recovery movement has advised many: “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean." Anna Sale’s book provides beautifully written hope that that we can talk about hard things and that makes hard things easier. Or at the very least, spoken. It’s like overhearing people like you in a support group in the coziest of book forms. It is thus a combination of my two favorite things: the vulnerability of shares in anonymous support groups and reading.”
—Maria Bamford, comedian and writer

“An empathetic debut…Fans of Sale’s podcast will find a familiar guide in her reflective and introspective voice, and those encountering her for the first time will find this a comfort in hard times.”
—Publishers Weekly

"Sale, host of the podcast Death, Sex & Money, explores how we can talk about difficult situations in order to better connect with family, friends, and coworkers. This debut covers five topics—death, sex, money, family, and identity—which Sale explores via stories from her own life and by interviewing a racially and economically diverse group of people. Not to be mistaken for a self-help guide, Sale’s book also analyzes the structural and cultural dynamics that impede meaningful conversations. Besides listeners of her podcast, this will appeal to any adult struggling to broach these topics."
—Library Journal

“Expanding on her hit WNYC podcast, Death, Sex & Money, journalist Sale urges readers to have difficult conversations about their lives. Sale is generous when divulging her tricky chats of yore…This book is a road map to navigating these sorts of conversations with friends and family; it also offers a sense of solidarity. Simply bearing witness to the struggles of strangers is sure to leave readers feeling less alone.”
—Booklist

“For the past seven years on Death, Sex & Money, Sale has talked about those vital and complex subjects with curiosity, boldness, and sensitivity, with a variety of guests; her book, a reported memoir, conveys how we might have such conversations ourselves. It’s not a how-to, but it’s instructive—and timely…many of us are realizing that we’ve forgotten how to talk about the easy things, let alone the hard ones…As Sale shows us how supportive listening happens, and doesn’t scold anyone for not doing it better, we deepen our trust for her as a narrator: she’s dispensing not 'tough love' to the reader but empathy. By the end, we feel clearer, more known, and ready to proceed. In that way, her book is not unlike a good conversation with a friend.”
—The New Yorker

About the Author

Anna Sale is the creator and host of Death, Sex, & Money, the award-winning podcast from WNYC Studios, where she’s been doing interviews about “the things we think about a lot and need to talk about more” since 2014. Before that, she covered politics for public radio for years. She grew up in West Virginia and lives in the East Bay in California with her husband and two daughters.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Simon & Schuster (May 3, 2022)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1501190261
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1501190261
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 3.53 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.38 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 504 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
4.3 out of 5
504 global ratings
Amazingly well written, captured my attention from the very first page!
5 Stars
Amazingly well written, captured my attention from the very first page!
This book was awesome!!! I am very fortunate to be able to call the author a friend since preschool. We have lost touch as we have grown older but it’s like I was able to reconnect to her like there was no time lost! Anna touches on truly hard conversations and shows why it is so important that we have them! A must read for all!!!!!!
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Top reviews from the United States

Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great introduction to starting difficult conversations!
Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2023
Verified Purchase
I stumbled across this book at the library and knew I wanted my own copy. The author gently bridges a series of challenging topics from multiple perspectives, and it’s worth reading for anyone who chooses to stay curious and keep growing. Bonus—the seller left a really nice note, which was a lovely and unexpected surprise!
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K. S.
4.0 out of 5 stars Thoughtful
Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2024
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4.5
At times it was a little too simplified - ironic given the point of the book. And the evidence is mostly anecdotal. However, the author's point was to tell people's stories and use those to make points about the importance of having difficult conversations, so anecdotal evidence was exactly what was intended. But that's what made this relatable. What I liked most is that this isn't really a self-help book. I don't care for probably 99% of those because they're usually written by people who found what works for them so they expect it to work for everyone else. But that's not what this felt like. And, tbh, I found several little tidbits for myself as well as for use in therapy with my clients.
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A.H.
5.0 out of 5 stars Well-written; great perspective
Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2024
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Well written; great perspective on taboo subjects.
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H.W. Fielding
3.0 out of 5 stars Life lessons from a podcast about personal struggles
Reviewed in the United States on August 4, 2022
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Let’s Talk About Hard Things: The Life-Changing Conversations that Connect Us is Anna Sale’s spinoff of lessons learned from her WNYC podcast “Death, Sex, and Money.” Sale, recently divorced, had pitched her producers with the idea for a program of conversations about difficult conversations. Seven years later, it was still going strong on public radio.

The program provides plenty of fodder for the book, which explores life lessons from difficult personal stories about death, sex, money, and bonus topics family and identity. Through each of these sections, she revisits her own personal stories as well as quoting or paraphrasing those of her guests and experts she has interviewed. In the audiobook, though, we do not hear the voices of these people as they might have been heard on the podcast. The audiobook is narrated by the author, who certainly has the radio chops for the job. But the net effect is that she is retelling other people’s stories, if and when she isn’t telling her own. That loses a bit of the personal connection.

The stories are many and long, and the life lessons few and short: Listen. Show you understand (even if you don’t). Offer observations that the other person doesn’t see. Make the relationship more important than the conflict. Recognize that sometimes there are no answers and no solutions.

Ultimately, uncomfortable conversations about having uncomfortable conversations can become… uncomfortable. I listened to the last half of the book at 1.5 speed to get the discomfort behind me. In the end, I did not feel better prepared to have difficult conversations, although I did appreciate the value of talking things through rather than keeping them bottled up.
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KAJ
5.0 out of 5 stars Love The Audio Version!
Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2021
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I'm a Death Sex and Money fan and I love Anna Sale's interviewing style. I pre-ordered the book, and because I was traveling the day it came out, I decided to download the audio version. It is fantastic! Anna's soothing and inquisitive style shines in the book. I found myself taking notes to think further about my own experiences related to the five categories she covers. The honesty of those who shared their stories, and Anna's non-judgmental way of seeking further understanding is amazing.
Buy it, read it, listen to it. Take notes and revisit your own experiences. You won't regret it one bit.
7 people found this helpful
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Gabriella
5.0 out of 5 stars Thought provoking book
Reviewed in the United States on July 31, 2022
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I loved reading this book not just because it was well written and authentic but because the author did not shy away from talking about the hard conversations she had in her life. I recommend this book to all willing to consider that there are hard things in our lives that need to talked about.
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Charlotte R. Mitchell
4.0 out of 5 stars Addressed Some Ideas I Had Not Considered about Identity
Reviewed in the United States on December 21, 2023
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This was not an easy read, but then reading about talking about hard things wouldn't be an easy read. I especially liked the section about identity. I continued for several days to think about some ideas covered in that section since they were things I really had not considered before reading this book.

I like to read to the end of a chapter before taking a break from reading on my Kindle, but the lack of a Table of Contents didn't allow me to view chapter lengths. The chapters were long, but the main section of the book was not as long as I had thought. That part ended and was followed by Notes and an Index, which a Table of Contents would have shown.
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Cheri
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved It!
Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2022
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I have listened and been a big fan of Death Sex and Money for years. I bought the Audible version of this book and it was absolutely fantastic. I really don't understand why anyone would give it less than 5 stars. I did not think there was anything political in the book at all.
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Top reviews from other countries

Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Simple yet complex and absolutely worth reading
Reviewed in Canada on October 22, 2022
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Thought provoking book that won't give you the answers to your problems but can help you ask the right questions. This book has given me a new view of so many things and has prepared me to better face and thrive in my changing future
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Brandon
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read
Reviewed in Canada on May 2, 2022
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Loved this book! Anna Sale is an amazing author. Her genuine words were comforting, inspiring and invigorating. Highly suggest as a must read.
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