Why am I passionate about this?

When I was a young adult, I lost someone whom I’d loved intensely. In the aftermath, I experienced a grief that would not subside for more than a year and interfered with my ability to function. This is known as complicated grief. As a result, I’ve done a lot of reading on the subject, looking for books that present complicated grief in a humane and understandable manner. While there is a place for self-help books, I’ve found creative literature to be more helpful, especially books written in the first person that offers a metaphorical hand to the reader. I published a detailed essay in Shenandoah on this topic.


I wrote

Book cover of Ring

What is my book about?

At a snowbound sanctuary designed to aid the dying, Lee, a middle-aged non-binary person from the Midwest, grapples with the…

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The books I picked & why

Book cover of Kitchen

Michelle Lerner Why did I love this book?

This book is the first-person narrative of a young woman experiencing the shock of incapacitating grief after the death of her grandmother, who had been her only family. 

When I was a young woman myself, I lost someone close to me. I had trouble getting out of bed and lost interest in other people and activities. I had just graduated from college and, due to the impending death, had not made plans; as a result, I had no structure to fall back on, no concept of the future to keep me going. There was a sensation that time had stopped.

While stuck in this emotional space, one of the only books that helped me was a translation of this book. Yoshimoto depicts in striking and lyrical detail the sense of apartness and timelessness that grief can engender, and the ways that focusing on details of daily living—like cooking—can assist with the journey back to the planet we share with the non-grieving. 

By Banana Yoshimoto, Megan Backus (translator),

Why should I read it?

4 authors picked Kitchen as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Kitchen juxtaposes two tales about mothers, transsexuality, bereavement, kitchens, love and tragedy in contemporary Japan. It is a startlingly original first work by Japan's brightest young literary star and is now a cult film.

When Kitchen was first published in Japan in 1987 it won two of Japan's most prestigious literary prizes, climbed its way to the top of the bestseller lists, then remained there for over a year and sold millions of copies. Banana Yoshimoto was hailed as a young writer of great talent and great passion whose work has quickly earned a place among the best of modern…


Book cover of A Grief Observed

Michelle Lerner Why did I love this book?

C.S. Lewis is best known for his Narnia books, but the book of his that sticks with me the most is this one, a first-person contemporaneous account of the famed fiction writer’s mourning for his wife. He began a journal shortly after she died and stopped when he reached the end of the notebook and then published it.

When I read it, I was dealing with intense grief that I felt no one around me understood, and reading Lewis’ journal/memoir made me feel like someone living in the same headspace had reached out his hand to me. One of the early statements in the book struck such a chord with me that I remember it to this day, more than 30 years later: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”

By C. S. Lewis,

Why should I read it?

7 authors picked A Grief Observed as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The perennial classic: this intimate journal chronicling the Narnia author's experience of grief after his wife's death has consoled readers for half a century with its 'sensitive and eloquent' magic (Hilary Mantel)

'An intimate, anguished account of a man grappling with the mysteries of faith and love ... Elegant and raw ... A powerful record of thought and emotion experienced in real time.' Guardian

'Raw and modern ... This unsentimental, even bracing, account of one man's dialogue with despair becomes both compelling and consoling ... A contemporary classic.' Observer

'A source of great consolation ... Lewis deploys his genius for…


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Book cover of Dream It, Design It, Live It: The Ultimate Guide to Manifesting Your Next-Level Life

Dream It, Design It, Live It by Diana Drake Long,

Dream It, Design It, Live It will empower you to create more happiness, abundance, and fulfillment while honoring your values for self-care, life-work balance, and living your truth.

Diana Drake Long is recognized as one of the world's master coaches, and her Dream It, Design It, Live It system gives…

Book cover of The Friend

Michelle Lerner Why did I love this book?

I read this book after I had already sent my manuscript to my agent and was surprised that the plot involved the main character unexpectedly caring for a dog after losing a loved one, as my novel does. Told from the point of view of a writing professor whose best friend and mentor has taken his own life, it traces the protagonist’s slow psychological unraveling as she tries to come to terms with both her friend’s death and the place he had held in her life. Adopting his dog takes her out of her ordinary routine in concrete ways and also grounds her and requires her to take part in the details of a new kind of daily life, even if reluctantly. 

Part of what I love about this book is the many ways in which it’s experimental. It combines fiction, autofiction, and essay writing. It contains blank pages. There isn’t exactly a linear plot, though there sort of is. The hybridity and looseness of form, the digressions, and the empty spaces all brilliantly mirror the disorienting feeling of grief, especially unexpected and sudden grief after a loved one takes their own life. 

By Sigrid Nunez,

Why should I read it?

9 authors picked The Friend as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

A moving story of love, friendship, grief, healing, and the magical bond between a woman and her dog.

WINNER OF THE 2018 NATIONAL BOOK AWARD * A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER * SHORTLISTED FOR THE 2020 INTERNATIONAL DUBLIN LITERARY AWARD

'A true delight: I genuinely fear I won't read a better novel this year' FINANCIAL TIMES

'Loved this. A funny, moving examination of love, grief, and the uniqueness of dogs' GRAHAM NORTON

'Delicious' SUNDAY TIMES 100 BEST SUMMER READS

When a woman unexpectedly loses her lifelong best friend and mentor, she finds herself burdened with the unwanted dog he has…


Book cover of Things You May Find Hidden in My Ear: Poems from Gaza

Michelle Lerner Why did I love this book?

This may seem an unconventional pick because it’s a book of poetry. But it’s narrative poetry, and it affects me deeply every time I read it. Mosab Abu Toha is from Gaza, a place saturated in grief, an unending kind of grief where no one ever has the luxury of healing because death follows death follows death, and displacement follows displacement.

The book was published before the most devastating attacks of 2023-2024, and reflects on deaths and destruction from prior bombing campaigns. It repeatedly asks, in the most detailed and profound ways, how to grieve one’s home and homeland, how to process one death after another, and how to remember and hold onto details about people and places when almost every physical remnant is destroyed or displaced.

It also contemplates how to grieve while directly facing one’s own mortality and vulnerability. The first poem, Palestine A-Z, is a 10-page catalog of the tangible details of grief and memory, and possibly the best poem I’ve ever read. 

By Mosab Abu Toha,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Things You May Find Hidden in My Ear as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Winner of the American Book Award, the Palestine Book Award and Arrowsmith Press's 2023 Derek Walcott Poetry Prize

National Book Critics Circle Award for Poetry Finalist

"Written from his native Gaza, Abu Toha's accomplished debut contrasts scenes of political violence with natural beauty."-The New York Times

In this poetry debut Mosab Abu Toha writes about his life under siege in Gaza, first as a child, and then as a young father. A survivor of four brutal military attacks, he bears witness to a grinding cycle of destruction and assault, and yet, his poetry is inspired by a profound humanity.

These…


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Book cover of Let Evening Come

Let Evening Come by Yvonne Osborne,

After her mother is killed in a rare Northern Michigan tornado, Sadie Wixom is left with only her father and grandfather to guide her through young adulthood. Miles away in western Saskatchewan, Stefan Montegrand and his Indigenous family are displaced from their land by multinational energy companies. They are taken…

Book cover of When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress

Michelle Lerner Why did I love this book?

This is another unconventional recommendation because it’s not only about grief. Maté is a medical doctor whose work focuses on the damage that unprocessed emotional trauma—including grief—does to the body and how to process emotions in a way that is less likely to lead to physical disease.

I think this book is a necessary complement to books about complicated grief because it provides an understanding of what happens when we do not allow ourselves to fully experience grief in a safe and supported manner, and provides insights into how to do so.  

By Gabor Maté,

Why should I read it?

7 authors picked When the Body Says No as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Can a person literally die of loneliness? Is there a connection between the ability to express emotions and Alzheimer's disease? Is there such a thing as a 'cancer personality'?

Drawing on deep scientific research and Dr Gabor Mate's acclaimed clinical work, When the Body Says No provides the answers to critical questions about the mind-body link - and the role that stress and our emotional makeup play in an array of common diseases.

When the Body Says No:

- Explores the role of the mind-body link in conditions and diseases such as arthritis, cancer, diabetes, heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome…


Explore my book 😀

Book cover of Ring

What is my book about?

At a snowbound sanctuary designed to aid the dying, Lee, a middle-aged non-binary person from the Midwest, grapples with the unbearable loss of their young adult daughter. Abandoning their previous life and longtime spouse, Lee is driven by a quest for closure—or an end to it all. 

Enter Ring, a seemingly ordinary dog with an extraordinary role. Brought by Robert, a terminally ill man preparing to make his final walk through the sanctuary's Seven Pillars, Ring becomes the catalyst for Lee's own self-reflection. As Lee befriends others at the sanctuary, each embroiled in their own battles—from Catherine and Samu, the spiritual leaders, to Viviana, a war veteran scarred by trauma—they’re nudged toward a revelation that challenges their initial impetus for the journey. 

Book cover of Kitchen
Book cover of A Grief Observed
Book cover of The Friend

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Interested in Japan, Palestinians, and stress?

Japan 518 books
Palestinians 59 books
Stress 13 books