100 books like Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality

Back in the 1970s, a noted American psychologist, Dr. Sam Janus, whom I had the privilege of meeting at a conference, produced an unusually brave book about the private sexual lives of politicians based upon extensive interviews with sex workers in Washington, D.C., written in collaboration with the experienced psychiatrist Dr. Barbara Bess and the journalist Carol Saltus.

At one level, the private lives of political leaders should remain completely private, but at another level, it might be worth knowing that some of the people who damage the country through poor decision-making also have a long-standing history of damaging their own bodies by paying to be tortured by those women, known back then as “call girls.” I greatly admire this book, as it has provided me with tremendous understanding of the ways in which the private sexual tendencies of many human beings, especially those who endeavour to govern nations, will… show more.

Janice Hiller, a British clinical psychologist and psychosexual therapist who has taught for many years at the esteemed organisation Tavistock Relationships in Central London, has just released a new book on the interrelationship between sexual functioning and brain health, thus integrating psychoanalytical theory with neuroscience.

Hiller has devoted chapters to such compelling topics as kissing, commitment, parenting, infidelity, divorce, and so many more, teaching us all a great deal about the complex and intimate relationship between our brains and our minds and between our bodies and our sexual tendencies. Well-written and scientifically up-to-date, I have found this book to be a truly original endeavor at understanding the many underlying complexities of adult sexual behaviors.

I regard myself as a big fan of Dr. David Scharff, founder of the International Psychotherapy Institute, based in Bethesda, Maryland, who has become one of the planet’s most esteemed psychoanalysts.

Scharff, along with his spouse, Dr. Jill Scharff, has pioneered the field of couple psychotherapy in the United States of America. Based on his clinical insights, he has produced a lucid, groundbreaking book about the childhood and adolescent origins of the sexual complications of adulthood, which has provided me with much wisdom about the ways in which marital sexual difficulties can be traced back to earlier experiences from the prepubertal and pubertal periods of life. Although intended predominantly for fellow mental health clinicians, Scharff’s book will appeal to a very wide readership indeed. 

The name Alfred Kinsey will be extremely well-known indeed. Although trained as an entomologist and zoologist, this distinguished academic became one of the true pioneers of the field of sexual research.

In 1948, Kinsey, along with his colleagues Wardell Pomeroy and Clyde Martin, produced the most brave book about erotic life since the work of Sigmund Freud decades previously, revealing in immense detail the nature of sexual behaviours in the United States of America. This best-selling book helped to transform the field of sexuality, reducing the shame associated with many forms of non-coital sex.

This 1948 masterpiece, known colloquially as the Kinsey Report, would be followed by a sequel, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, published in 1953, co-authored by many other colleagues, including six women. I found this book quite an inspiration for my own research on adult sexual fantasies, and I drew hugely upon Kinsey’s boldness… show more.

Beyond Sexuality is the most consequential psychoanalytic intervention in queer theory.

Much of queer theory has used Michel Foucault’s History of Sexuality to reject or downplay psychoanalysis. Dean argues that psychoanalysis, particularly in the writings and seminars of French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan, offers a far more useful theoretical model.

Such theorists as Judith Butler misconstrue sexual desire by focusing on identity, rather than language and its effects. Desire, according to psychoanalysis, does not arise from our identifications—not even our gender identifications—but from the failures of identity. Desire is not constructed in language but manifests precisely where language breaks down.

Beyond Sexuality also offers a psychoanalytic reading of HIV/AIDS in the aftermath of the AIDS crisis.

This is one of the most intriguing books published in recent times, in my view, providing a lucid and beautifully written psychoanalytic account of both the strangeness and emancipatory potential of sexuality.

Sex for Zupančič is not about genital sexuality. Instead, it has an amorphous and undefinable quality to it; and this lack of meaning implies we can never get enough of it—e.g., the reason porn watchers get hooked on porn is because even the “full” view of sexual activity doesn’t quite satisfy, so one looks for more “fullness” (which one never finds) and watches more porn. And this elusiveness is what sex is about.

I love that Zupančič draws out the political potential of this viewpoint, seeing the excess and indefinability of sex as “trouble”/“troubling,” opening up ways for the subject to break out of the everyday status quo. 

Although we like to think that we are idiosyncratic individuals pursuing our perfect match, the truth is that evolution has hardwired into us many preferences and dislikes. This book is a really good introduction to the often surprising role evolution plays in shaping desire. Buss has undertaken a massive study of thousands of people and dozens of cultures to present a unified theory of human mating behavior. While I don't think we need to simply give in to evolution, it is an enormous help to have a sense of what role evolution plays.

It introduced me to the status of women in ancient times when society worshipped the moon, a feminine deity. Women led religious rituals and they were regarded as the givers of life. By contrast, by the time of King David, man worshipped the Sun, a male deity, and women's status was lowered to become regarded as mere bearers of life.

Taking a more holistic approach, Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Sex explores the world of women who experience sex in the most connecting, pleasurable ways. Moving beyond mechanics, it helped me understand the importance of unlocking inhibitions, being present, and discovering my own eroticism in order to experience a deep connection with my husband. God has more for us to experience if we are open to it. 

When I chatted with the authors about their motivation to write this book, they said that they wanted to write a book on desire that they’d feel comfortable recommending to diverse clients, as none currently existed.

I not only agree with their assessment, but I was excited to see that they accomplished their goal! As a sex therapist, I can affirm that desire is one of the most confusing and troubling issues that individuals and couples bring to therapy.

This book explains desire, normalizes desire differences, and provides an inclusive and compassionate road map to clients struggling with it. I plan to recommend this book to many clients for years to come.