Review
“I wish every man I’ve ever known had read this book! It’s practical, positive, sexy, funny, kind, and humane. What a terrific, helpful, and reassuring resource.”
—Katie Kleinsasser, communications consultant, Planned Parenthood of New York City
“Sizzling Sex for Life is the most practical, authoritative, and comprehensive sexuality guide ever written.”
—Eli Coleman, PhD, chair of the Human Sexuality Program, University of Minnesota, the nation’s largest training program for sexuality professionals
“I have been a fan of Michael Castleman's sexuality writing for decades. His sex writing ranks among the best—engaging and great for the general public. Sizzling Sex for Life is accurate, beautifully written, and very accessible. It covers every issue clients bring to me, including many that are highly controversial. I can’t wait to recommend the book to my sex therapy colleagues, clients, and friends.”
—Elizabeth Rae Larson, MS, DHS, LMHC, director at Seattle Institute for Sex Therapy, Education, and Research
"Sizzling Sex is a meticulously researched, beautifully written, wonderful compendium that provides deep insights into how men think, feel, and behave sexually. This book is a must-read for men and their partners."
—James C. Wadley, PhD, chair of the Lincoln University counseling department
“A real stunner! I particularly like its wonderful comprehensiveness, and the brilliant, very accessible way Castleman discusses sex research. After forty years as a sex therapist and author of several sex books myself, I still found it fascinating and remarkably informative.”
—Isadora Alman, MFT, sex therapist, author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex, and What People Keep Asking Me About Sex and Relationships
“Wow! Great book! Sizzling Sex for Life is an entire sexuality library between two covers.Lively, comprehensive, amazingly rich, and totally reader-friendly, this compendium of sexual history, evidence-based research, and engaging, practical advice proves that Castleman is our go-to source for everything sexual. I love his tone, values, sensitivity to women, and sex-affirming messages. Upbeat, engaging, and beautifully nuanced for the complexities of today’s sexuality, Sizzling Sex for Life is a treasure, a must-have resource for every sex coach, therapist, and educator—and everyone who wants to enjoy great sex.”
—Patti Britton, PhD, MPH, past president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, co-founder of SexCoachU, and author of Loving Sex for Loving Couples: An Intimate Guide to Passionate Relationships
“What an extraordinary book! I wasn’t surprised. I’ve been a huge fan of Castleman’s sexuality writing for years. But Sizzling Sex for Life goes way beyond his previous work. It’s fantastic—so comprehensive and so sensitive to both men and women, and completely evidence-based. I’m confident that Sizzling Sex for Life will be the leading sex guide for years to come. I plan to recommend it to everyone I know.”
—Diana Wiley, PhD, Seattle-based sex therapist
“Sizzling Sex for Life proves that Michael Castleman is a sexuality genius. Such breadth! Such depth and wisdom! The style is warm, friendly, witty, sensitive to women, and totally accessible to general readers—quite a feat since the book discusses so much sex research. I particularly liked Castleman’s sage advice about sexual coaching. I love this book!”
—Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty
“Sizzling Sex for Life is a wise, wonderful, gentle encyclopedia of sex—everything you want to know all in one book, including a whole lot you won’t find anywhere else.”
—David Hersh, PhD, founder of Hersh Centre for Sexual Wellness
“The best, most comprehensive guide I’ve ever seen for creating great sex. Packed with great information and practical tools to solve problems and enhance erotic pleasure.”
—Rachel Needle, PsyD, co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes
“I loved every word of Sizzling Sex for Life. It’s so comprehensive, so accessible, such an inviting, non-judgmental read, so well researched and organized. It addresses men beautifully, but is also very sensitive to women. I especially loved the chapters on porn—so sensible and refreshing. I can’t wait to recommend the book to my students, sex therapy clients, and radio listeners.”
—Laurie Betito, PhD, president of Sexual Health Network of Quebec, host of sexuality talk show, “Passion”
“Lots of smiles and several laughs in Sizzling Sex for Life. And it's so authoritative, entirely evidence-based, backed up by 2,500 research papers, very commendable. I will definitely recommend it to clients, colleagues, and friends. It has so much great information about so many subjects. Castleman’s book is an adventure in life-long pleasure that enlightens and thrills as a great sex guide should.”
—Norelyn Parker, PhD, sex therapist
“Very comprehensive. Very impressive. I plan to recommend Sizzling Sex for Life to my sex therapy clients, colleagues, and friends. I especially loved the chapters on anal play, BDSM, and consensual non-monogamy. Clients often raise these issues, and now I can refer them to the wonderful discussions in this book.”
—Zita Nickeson, LCPC, CST, sex therapist
“Sizzling Sex for Life is wonderful—comprehensive, exhaustively researched, and beautifully written. I love the way Castleman thoroughly debunks the whole idea of sex addiction. Great book!”
—David Ley, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The Myth of Sex Addiction
“Sizzling Sex for Life provides excellent, practical, down-to-earth advice—and Castleman backs it up by citing more than 2,500 studies. I especially applaud his insightful discussions of sexual controversies, notably school sex ed and pornography. And in addition to encouraging lovers to coach each other, he offers insightful suggestions—what to say, how, and when. Reading Sizzling Sex for Life is like talking with a wise older brother who has a ton of sexual experience, two tons of good sense, and a sweet sense of humor.”
—Marty Klein, PhD, publisher of the Sexual Intelligence newsletter, author of Ask Me Anything, America’s War on Sex, and more
“Sizzling Sex for Lifedeserves to be a huge success. It’s amazingly comprehensive, deeply researched, superbly written, myth-busting, and fun to read. I love Castleman’s emphasis on pleasure—and he provides solid, step-by-step, relationship-enhancing encouragement to fully enjoy it. The book is also very strong on the religious roots of so-called sex addiction. Sizzling Sex for Life is a major contribution to sex education and therapy.”
—Stella Resnick, PhD, sex therapist and author of Body-to-Body Intimacy
“What a great book! I’m so glad Michel Castleman took on this mammoth project. I wish everyone would read the chapters on sexual assault prevention, pornography, and sex addiction—all very eye-opening, sex-positive, and so helpful!”
—Charla Hathaway, founder of BodyJoy sex and intimacy coaching center
"Sizzling Sex is phenomenal beyond words. So exhaustively researched, so well-written. I especially enjoyed Castleman’s advice that men should always kiss both sets of lips, and the way he debunks so many sexual myths—that masturbation is harmful, that athletes shouldn’t have sex before the big game. I am very excited to recommend Sizzling Sex to my clients. I know it will help them gain a really comprehensive sex education, understand lovemaking on a deeper level, and enjoy better sex—sizzling sex—throughout their lives."
—Lisa Thomas, LCSW, LMFT, sex therapist
"Castleman charms his readers with a historical approach to sexual issues and an obvious love of language. Sizzling Sex offers clever wit as well as essential education for those who want to become sensitive and joyful lovers. This book provides reassurance and wisdom from an established expert whose writing style reflects his message of bringing playfulness, acceptance, and compassion into the bedroom."
—Kate McNulty, LCSW, AASECT-certified sex therapist, author of Love & Asperger's
“Such a great book. As a parent of two teens, I really appreciated the chapters on school sex education, virginity loss, and hooking up. I applaud Castleman’s emphasis on sex education based not on fear of pregnancy and infections, but on pleasure, and hope his insights encourage parents to discuss sex with their teens. I also loved his step-by-step recommendations for those who think they might be sex/porn addicts.”
—Louanne Weston, PhD, sex therapist
“This is the book we’ve been waiting for! Sizzling Sex is a much needed, well-researched, beautifully written book on the sexuality of men and anyone who loves them. Sizzling Sex answers all important sex questions, debunks tons of myths, explains women’s sexuality to men, and informs everyone how to have great sex. Castleman delivers a comprehensive resource packed with advice you just can’t help but share. A must-have for all sex educators, therapists, and anyone who wants better sex!”
—Heather McPherson, LPC-S, LMFT-S, CST, founder of Sexual Health Alliance and Respark Therapy & Associates
"Michael Castleman’s magnum opus, Sizzling Sex for Life, is a fun, insightful, easy-to-read book that helps everyone understand sexual issues and create more pleasurable sex lives. It’s an important book for anyone who wants to have sizzling sex. It’s also very useful for sex educators, counselors, and therapists. I’ve already sent several clients its well-documented information for some of their issues. In one case, a client believed that using lubrication meant that his girlfriend wasn’t into him. I was able to send him statistics from Sizzling Sex showing that vaginal dryness doesn't necessarily indicate lack of arousal. I also found the chapters on pornography very perceptive. I know I will refer to Sizzling Sex time and time again. Bravo!"
—Mimi Gelb, MS, LMFT, CST, sex therapist
"I really enjoyed Sizzling Sex and think it’s wonderful for both general readers and therapists! It’s a very easy, enjoyable read that provides comprehensive, yet digestible sex information relevant to both men and women. It can be read cover-to-cover, or most chapters can be read as stand-alone pieces. I really like Castleman’s use of the word 'loveplay' instead of 'foreplay,' as well as his chapter on novelty as key to sizzling sex."
—Kim Glenn, MA, CST, sex therapist
“Sizzling Sex for Life is wonderful, provocative, fiercely intelligent, and witty—quite possibly the only self-help sexuality guide any man will ever need. Castleman provides elegant advice on sexual communication and practical solutions to common sex problems. I highly recommend this fascinating, thought-provoking book to readers who seek to deepen their understanding of sexuality and become better lovers. I will definitely recommend it to my patients.”
—Nazanin Moali, PhD, host of The Sexology Podcast
"Sizzling Sex is a practical, comprehensive, much-needed encyclopedia of sexuality. Imagine, everything from talking to young children about sexuality to sexual self-therapy for adults—all in one well written volume. If you ever anticipate needing any guidance about any sexual issue, keep a copy of Sizzling Sex on your shelf."
—Mark Schoen, PhD, founder of SexSmartFilms.com
"Sizzling Sex for Life is absolutely wonderful. I've very much enjoyed reading it and will certainly recommend it to my couples and sex therapy clients. I particularly enjoy the simple, easy-reading writing style. The self-help and coaching information is also great. I can imagine this being bedside reading for many individuals and couples who want to become better lovers. I appreciate how easy it is to skim through the pages to find topics of interest. It is such a thorough, comprehensive, and user-friendly book. Reading Sizzling Sex was an absolute pleasure!"
—Julaine Maxwald, psychoanalyst
"This book is my favorite reference for all things male. The many insights and the practicality of advice provide an incredible guide. Each chapter is a treasure of information substantiated by comprehensive research. This is an invaluable resource not just for sexuality clinicians and educators, but for everyone."
—Cheryl D. Walker, MA, APC, sex therapist
"I have already found Sizzling Sex immensely helpful, particularly with clients who love data and want to know the science behind their experiences. I’m so glad [Castleman] advocates scheduling sex! This is the first thing I recommend to couples. The chapter about men supporting women through menopause is excellent. So is the discussion of pornography. Sizzling Sex is a much needed resource. It’s thorough, evidence-based, and sex positive, which are the characteristics I look for when recommending books to clients.”
—Madelyn Esposito-Smith, LPC, CST, sex therapist
"Sizzling Sex For Life is a joy to read! I especially appreciate Castleman’s focus on women’s sexuality. It’s so obvious that the best way for women to enjoy sex is to teach or coach their partners how they like to be pleasured, and the erotic pace they enjoy. That never occurred to me as a 20-year-old virgin many, many years ago! Castleman returns to that idea often, as it applies to virtually every sexual encounter. And pace is so critical, whether it involves kissing and caressing, oral play, or anything else. Women are the experts on their own pleasure, and it’s so great that Castleman has made the idea a cornerstone of Sizzling Sex. It’s what sets his book apart from all the other sex guides I've read over the years. Not to mention that his endearing sense of humor cracked me up every time—my favorite: 'Boner Basics.'”
—Linda Newhart Lotz, MSW, PhD, assistant professor, Valencia College
"Castleman's writing is superb. Sizzling Sex for Life is a great destination for anyone looking to explore sexual issues. Self-help books usually go into great detail about one narrow area. In contrast, Sizzling Sex is so comprehensive. I also love how Castleman presents a historical perspective on sex. It’s engaging and sex-positive and normalizes the diversity of human sexuality. I very much look forward to recommending Sizzling Sex for Life."
—Alicia Beltran, LCPC, CST, sex therapist
"Sizzling Sex is a wonderful, straightforward compilation of important sex research findings imbued with humor and compassion. I SO appreciate the discussion of women’s orgasms and how they are best produced. I also appreciate the section on female sexual pain. I've never seen this topic included in any sexuality book directed at men—bravo! And the comprehensive discussion of pornography is greatly needed by both men and women and perfectly accessible for the reading public. In summary, Sizzling Sex is absolutely phenomenal! I look forward to recommending it to clients, colleagues, and friends."
—Sandra Lindholm, PsyD, CST, sex therapist
"Sizzling Sex is my new go-to book for all things sexual, and I will be recommending it to friends, clients, and students alike. This book is solidly grounded in the latest research (indeed, over 2500 studies!), yet is written with wit and humor and in a very fun and accessible writing style. Sizzling Sex is a truly ground-breaking, comprehensive guide to male sexuality from birth (e.g., circumcision) to the end stages of life (e.g. sex in nursing homes). It goes beyond similar books of this genre, focusing not only on the causes and resolution of sexual problems, but also on timely and important topics such as pornography, consensual non-monogamy, and sex education—and again, with all conclusions reached and advice steeped in data but presented in a way that had me nodding along and laughing out loud. It is indeed so complete in its coverage of issues, I will be requiring it as reading in my university Human Sexuality class. Any man who reads this book is bound to become more sexually aware, satisfied, and comfortable—as well as a much better lover to women partners. Indeed, I’d venture that any man who reads this book (either in part of in whole) will also become a better person and partner in general, as it is full of sage advice for both sex and life. While written for men, women who love men will also gain an enormous amount of knowledge about both their own sexuality, and male sexuality, from reading this book. This book is truly brilliant."
—Laurie Mintz, professor of psychology at the University of Florida and author of Becoming Cliterate and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex
“Sizzling Sex for Life is a passport to the best sex! It celebrates human sexual pleasure non-judgmentally, and welcomes readers to explore theirs and savor it, no matter what their age. Castleman demonstrates that the large majority of human sexual behavior is normal, and that we should slow down and enjoy the pleasure. Reading it is like having an extended conversation with an older brother with a good sense of humor who tells it like it is.”
—Andrew Hancock, LCSW, CST, sex therapist
“What a wonderful self-help book for men—and women. I totally agree with the main message: 'Make love the way most women prefer by doing the opposite of what you see in porn.' Another takeaway is the importance of a healthy lifestyle. I appreciate the book’s sense of humor and the engaging, real-world way it speaks to men’s sexual sensibilities. Great book!”
—Linda Weiner, LCSW, Washington University
About the Author
Michael Castleman is a medical journalist who has written about sexuality for nearly fifty years, over which he's answered more than 12,000 sex questions. During the past decade, his Q&A site GreatSexGuidance.com, and twice-monthly blog "All About Sex" on Psychology Today have attracted more than 50 million views, helping Michael become the most popular sex writer in the world. Library Journal called him “one of the nation’s leading health writers.” He resides in San Francisco, California.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
This is my third—and last—sex book. It culminates a fifty-year career as a sexuality journalist and counselor.
After college, this English major spent seven years working as a counselor at clinics specializing in family planning and sexual infections—in Ann Arbor, Michigan (1973–75) and San Francisco (1976–79).
Family planning was, and still is, a largely female profession. Back in the 1970s, condoms were still hidden behind druggists’ counters, and few men used them. Most women in the field doubted that men would set foot in a clinic that gave away “rubbers” and counseled men to support women’s use of other contraceptives. But in 1976 several visionary women in the San Francisco Health Department persuaded the Carter administration to fund the Men’s Clinic, the nation’s first birth control facility for men; I was among its founding staff. Our challenge—could we bring men in?
In the 1970s, the big news in sexuality was the invention of sex therapy by William Masters, MD, and Virginia Johnson. Their book, Human Sexual Inadequacy (1970), documented their success treating men’s premature ejaculation (PE) and women’s difficulties working up to orgasm. Before Masters and Johnson, psychologists considered such dysfunctions symptoms of deep emotional turmoil. But psychotherapy rarely helped. Masters and Johnson showed that PE and orgasm difficulties could usually be cured quickly, consistently, and permanently with a combination of accurate sex information and less genitally fixated lovemaking based on leisurely, playful, mutual whole-body massage.
The University of California’s San Francisco Medical Center offered the new sex therapy. A faculty member served on the advisory board of the Men’s Clinic. We pitched him on training us to teach men how to last longer, thinking the service might attract our target audience and allow us to promote condoms. He was game, and off we went.
The Men’s Clinic offered PE counseling for free and, when necessary, referrals to sex therapists (10 percent of cases). Men from all walks of life arrived in surprisingly large numbers—even a member of the Hell’s Angels motorcycle club—all eager to learn dependable ejaculatory control. Once our clients gained the sexual confidence they craved, they often asked, “Is there anything else you want to tell me?” That’s when we pulled out the condoms. We distributed thousands. The clinic attracted media attention. Geraldo Rivera visited for a segment on Good Morning America.
After the Reagan administration defunded the Men’s Clinic, I earned a master’s in journalism from UC Berkeley (1979). My thesis, “Uncovering the Condom Industry,” documented condoms’ quietly increasing popularity, debunked the myth that they reduce sensitivity, and urged pharmacists to display them openly. Consumer Reports incorporated my research into its first-ever report on condoms in 1980 (condoms remained hidden behind pharmacists’ counters until the mid-1980s when the AIDS epidemic made safe sex a national priority).
The 1970s also marked the blossoming of the women’s movement. It resonated deeply with my wife, then girlfriend, Anne. Three of that era’s pioneering women’s sexuality books made big impressions on me: Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women’s Health Collective (1971), For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by sex therapist Lonnie Barbach, PhD (1975), and The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality by sex educator Shere Hite (1976).
These books—and conversations with Anne and many women in and out of family planning—revealed that, like most men, I knew little about how most women prefer to make love. But I was eager to learn.
I wrote my first sex book, Sexual Solutions (1980), in my late twenties. It focused on teen and young adult men. Its message was that the sexual style most women say they prefer is identical to what sex therapists recommended to prevent and cure most of men’s sex problems. I was a young man advising my peers: if you make love the way most women enjoy, you’ll suffer fewer sex problems. Your partners will also enjoy sex more. They’ll have orgasms consistently. And you’ll get kudos—an erotic win-win.
Sexual Solutions led me into several important organizations: the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists; the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality; and the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Their members’ collective wisdom has influenced me profoundly.
One fan of Sexual Solutions was the writer of Playboy magazine’s advice column, the “Advisor.” He recruited me into the informal network he consulted when faced with questions he found challenging. Ten years later, he asked me to answer the sex queries. I spent five years answering more than one thousand questions from 1991 to 1995.
I wrote my second sex book, Great Sex (2004), after turning fifty, thirty years into my relationship and a father of two. I’d left family planning for journalism specializing in health and sexuality.
Great Sex reflected a sexual landscape transformed by four events: - The increasing popularity of vibrators (starting in the late 1970s)
- The devastating impact of AIDS (starting in 1980)
- The introduction of Viagra (1998)
- The arrival of the internet, which, by 2000, made tons of pornography available for free. By comparison, Playboy looked quaint.
Great Sex intrigued the editors at Psychology Today, who, in 2009, invited me to blog on their website. I’ve posted twice a month ever since (PsychologyToday.com/blog/all-about-sex).
In 2010, I launched GreatSexGuidance.com, where I answer sex questions from people of all ages and sexual inclinations worldwide. Over the past four decades, I’ve answered more than twelve thousand questions—and have felt gratified by the thank-you notes.
Sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures. It can also drive people crazy. I hope Sizzling Sex for Life reduces confusion and misery and enhances erotic pleasure and satisfaction for lovers of all ages and erotic inclinations.
I wish you sizzling sex. 
